Once Upon A Prostitute

CHAPTER 51 - NO HOPE

Journal entry

Some search for bravery to fight. Some search for bravery to die.

Mina's POV

By the time I got to the top of the stairs, I was trembling. I don't know why. There was no one around but the memories were stronger now. I felt fear and anger, and pain at what they did to me...to us. It was almost real again. It was too much. Remembering I had a bottle of pills in my jacket pocket, I opened it and popped one in my mouth.

I got to the door that led into the room I had shared with Tetura and two other girls. There were two double-bunk beds to my left and right, set up against the wall. Opposite the room door where I stood was the bathroom door. To the right and left of the room door were the closets, built into the wall. They were so small that most of our things remained in our suitcases under the bunks.

"you need to unpack your things" Candy said eyeing my suitcase as she sucked on her lollipop. "If you no want the wardrobe, oya give it to someone else."

After Ivie had explained to me the true life of girls in the ring, I refused to unpack. I couldn't bring myself to. Unpacking will mean acceptance and resignation to this life. And I had no intention of staying here. Even with all the shame and abuse I was forced to endure in the past few days, I still couldn't accept this as my life.

"Candy, give her a break please. She's hurting" Tetura said. She was sitting at the foot of my bed while I lay on it and just stared at the ceiling.

I was raped two days ago by three men. It was the most painful experience I have had in my entire life. There are no words to describe how I felt. I felt ripped and raw, bare and broken. I felt like something precious was stolen from me and part of me was mad at the injustice, but a bigger part of me was frozen in fear. I felt like I was still naked and without clothes even though I was fully clothed and under a very thick duvet. I couldn't even leave the room. I didn't want anyone to see me. I faced the wall most of the time and cried silently. I was broken, hurt, defied, unsheltered. I felt suddenly insignificant, and I had no will or desire to fight anymore. That night, I fought back a little. I still have bruises on my face from when they hit me for resisting. After they first man succeeded, I stopped fighting. What was the point? I just laid there and prayed for it to be over quickly. It wasn't. I had wished it would be quick and brutal. It was long and torturous.

A doctor came to see me. He cleaned up my bruises and said I would heal in a couple of days. Maybe my body will heal, but these scars will be seared on my soul forever.

"Hurting...psst" Candy sniggered. "E get anything wey dem do her wey dem no do us? We die? Eh...we die? Twirl, abeg no dey talk that hurting thing, e dey make me vex." She said waving her lollipop around before sticking it again into her mouth. She sat down on the opposite bunk and mugged me. "Let madam pepper come and catch you like this first. Two days don pass, you just lie down here dey mope. Better unpack your suitcase. You're not going anywhere"

"Go where?" Lily chipped into the conversation from the top of her bunk. "she never see something"

They laughed and I felt the beginning of new tears. I didn't understand why they had to be so mean. Tetura squeezed my arm lightly offering comfort.

"No one gets out, so don't even be stupid and think about it" Lily said. "They'd just find you with the chip, and it will be worse. Hmm...don't worry, you'd soon watch the videos of what they did to girls that escaped....terrible. My advice, the earlier you start trying to live your life here, the better for you. Three years isn't so far away"