Once Upon A Prostitute

CHAPTER 20 - LULLABY SNORES

Mina

I'm angry! I'm not even sure why, but I am.

I look out the window and see the staff of Crunchies chilling outside their caravans. They're mostly young people and a few older folks. They tend to assemble in small groups in the evenings, chatting and laughing like they don't have a care in the world. They smoke and drink and come home late and get high. Seems they have little or nothing to worry about. They aren't like miss broody. They're so enviously free.

I on the other hand, am sitting on my bed after a hard day's work and instead of giving in to my exhaustion, I stare at them. I'm not angry at them. I could hang out with them if I want. But I happen to inherit Papa's introverted ways, so I find it a little hard to make new friends especially if they are in a crowd.

I lie on my bed and stare at the ceiling resigning myself to my fate of never-ending emotional turbulences. When I'm not worrying, then I'm sad. When I'm not sad, I'm angry. Pathetic really, but I guess that's what I am now. Pathetic!

I'm angry at life, for throwing me under the bus. As if I didn't have it hard enough back home in Nigeria, I just had to go from frying pan to fire.

I'm angry at myself for being stubborn, and not obeying my father's decision. And here I am living the same life I was running from. I'm so weak!

I'm angry at God for letting the ring happen to me...for letting it happen to anyone. I'm trying not to sound blasphemous or anything...but where is the love all my pastors promised? Why let me go through something so terrible if you love me.

I'm angry at Luke for raising my hopes and making me feel like I actually mattered. Wait...no. He didn't do that actually. He never showed me any more affection than he was meant to. So, I guess, I'm back at being angry at myself for expecting more than what was given. I became comfortable and allowed myself to hope...and my hopes came crashing down. Like Humpty Dumpty. I'm never having hope or expectations again. It's better you don't expect something, than be disappointed. The fall doesn't hurt much if you're on the ground already.

I stand up from the bed and walk around the caravan, restless. It's 11pm and I still can't sleep. I look out the window and see a couple making out in front of the caravan opposite. They're most likely too drunk or high to bother about the world seeing them. Or maybe they are too in love to care.

I'm too miserable to watch them so I draw my curtains. I wish I had a drink, or some weed, anything to numb my feelings. For the first time, I long for something I left back in the ring. I'm so sick of feeling this way.

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"So, are you coming?" Violet asks. she is inviting me to a party tonight. Turns out there's a club at Crunchies too. They're really doing too much for this little town.

"I don't know." I say while chopping some carrots. Truth, I don't think I have an appropriate outfit. And I'm not going to worry about one little thing when I have mountains. "Don't we need an ID to get in?"

"It's just a teens party in a club. Jacob's renting the venue for his 18th birthday" she explains while doing the dishes. Seems 18th birthdays are a big deal around here.

"Com'on Mina" Violet whines. "Have a little fun. Or maybe I should start calling you miss broody too"

I snigger. "I just love my sleep that's all." Biggest lie of the century.

"The party will end by 12 midnight. Jacob's dad put a curfew on it. Can you imagine that?" She scrunches up her face.

"How nice" I say sarcastically.

She chuckles. "So, you coming?"

I mull over it. Clubbing may not be such a bad idea. It's definitely better than staring at my ceiling or watching open-air make-out sessions. I went clubbing a couple of times with clients from the ring, though I never really enjoyed it. I was too tensed up worrying about what will happen later on to let loose.