The Side No One Sees [Derek Morgan]

12.

"I hope that someday when I am gone, someone, somewhere, picks my soul up off these pages and thinks, 'I would have loved her' -Nicole Lyons

the only person I called arrived hours later. Spencer found me leaning over in a chair, a hand placed on the now empty bed. he knew all about the unconditional love and bringing the best out in the other. Spencer pulled a chair over and sat next to me. instantly, he wrapped his hand around my neck and pushed his head in mine, pulling me into a one-armed side hug. my body began shaking, the process of breaking down taking over again in my best friends arm. "h-he's gone, Spence." he started sobbing with me now. "I know, I know." we sat like this for another hour or so in the room. Derek was so full of life and energetic when I first met him, pain and death waiting to be surfaced. for a moment I looked at the bed and imagined that Derek was there, smiling at us and laughing at us caring so much about him. I blinked and what I thought was him vanished. 

eventually, Spencer and I made our way out of the hospital and into the parking lot where the team was waiting. they all stood silently with tears brimming their eyes, knowing if they said anything I wouldn't listen to any words of comfort they could offer. instead they all separately hugged me. I clung to each of them, never wanting to let go. yet the only person I wanted to hold was Derek. Penelope was the last one up. when she pulled away she took out a Polaroid picture. I cracked a sad smile at the flimsy picture of us at the casino after a really hard case. it was the one he hung up by his desk. "p-people were clearing off his desk and throwing everything away and I had to save something, h-he's not gone." Penelope sobbed. I bit my lip trying to stop the tears as I reached for the picture. I looked at it before enveloping her into a big hug. it was true, in one lifetime you'll love many times but one love will burn your soul forever. Dereks death left a heartache no one could heal, but love left a memory no one could steal. I burn for you, Derek Morgan.

after losing my only child, I lost my only husband. Derek committed suicide a week after that terrible day at the school. now I have to burry both my babies. today was Derek and Ezra funeral. I was in a black dress with Dereks black cardigan on top. it still very faintly carried his scent that once brought me so much joy and happiness, now it brought me tears and emptiness. yet I could never get rid of it. it was a reminder of who I had, someone who loved and cherished me until his dying breath. I gave my long heart felt speeches and had the team in tears. standing in front of their graves made me wish he could somehow give me a sign that he was ok, that he was happy. the service came to an end and I slowly trotted to my car. when I got in I broke, my throat tightening as I pushed my palms into the steering wheel.  

I would never hear his laugh, see his smile, listen to him ramble about sports to Ezra, playfully flirt, be held by him ever again. I reluctantly turned my car on but when I did a familiar song started playing. Derek and my's wedding was easily the happiest day of our lives. after the song he had dipped me down and passionately kissed me.  I held onto that moment forever. I covered my mouth as the song played. he was happy. "I miss you so much. I love you too Derek." I quietly whispered. 

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thank you so much for reading. if you like this, read my new story, the love you can't have. I love you <3