The Side No One Sees [Derek Morgan]

9. Wine and wreckage

"For what it's worth: It's never too late to be whoever you want to be. I hope you live a life you're proud of, and if you find you're not, I hope you have the strength to start over again."  -F. Scott Fitzgerald.

when Spencer got up from his desk for a moment, I practically stomped over to Dereks desk. "what the fuck is your problem? you know he loves giving statistics." I said but he didn't even acknowledge my existence. "ok, I see. well when your done building your ego up, let me know so I can see the Derek I know again." I shifted my legs until was back to my desk, not thrilled that I lost a friend. when Spencer got back he saw how distraught I was. "hey hey, what's a matter? was breakfast too much?" he said rushing to my side to check my forehead for a fever. "I-I'm ok, just don't feel the best. breakfast was perfect. thank you." I moved his hand away from my forehead and held it in my hand to make sure he knew that I was ok. he nodded and kissed the top of my head before walking back to his pile of files. the kiss was a first, but it felt needed. 

Wine Wednesday finally rolled around. I decided to take the day off of work so I could get all dolled up for tonight. I don't know why I was so excited, probably because this will be my first time inside an American mansion. I did my nails, curled my hair, and even did more makeup than I'm use to. I might have forgot to mention that me and Spence are now roommates. after the whole cutting accident, he wanted to keep eyes on me at all time and make sure I was ok to be alone.  Spencer arrived while I was deciding what to where, perfect timing. 

"hey, what should I wear?" I asked him as he set his keys down on the kitchen counter. "I don't know, show me a few outfits you have in mind. fashion show style." I come out from behind the corner in a strapless silk navy blue dress with the length a little above my knees. there was the look again from when he saw me in his t shirt: awe. "w-wow you l-look amazing." he sighed and kept looking at me up and down as if he was playing pong on my body. "thank you. are you wearing that to the party?" I asked the guy who was wear a sweater vest with a tie underneath. "umm yeah, why?" he asked worriedly. "you know we're also making pasta too right? that's your favorite sweater vest. I just don't want you to get anything on it." he took a deep breath and let out a giggle. he ran to his room  and put on a navy blue blazer with a white t-shirt on and jeans on, his converse of course. 

we took an Uber to Rossi's with Penelope and JJ. we rushed inside because of the rain storm outside. when we all got there the smell of fresh basil filled our noses as we were greeted with hugs. there was someone I didn't know there but I still gave a hug to. "hi! you must be Antonette. I'm Derek's girlfriend." my eyes slowly began to become bloodshot. the water begins to collect at the bottom lid of my eye, but I try force them back in. "hi. it's nice to meet you. Derek talks about you all the time." I glance over to Derek who's  expression has changed as soon as I uttered the words. everyone starts to settle in but I rush to Rossi to find the back room, he points upstairs. as soon as I shut the door, I fall to my knees and weep. I hear a knock at the door so I try to fix my makeup only to see Spencer. 

he closes the door behind him, "I'm ok, go back to the party." I said not facing him. "stop telling me you're ok. your not and that's ok." he wraps his arms around my waist and rests his chin on my head, "hold my hand. your going to be fine. I'll call Emily up so she can help you fix your makeup, ok?" I nod and he leaves. I collect myself and call and Uber incase something goes wrong. wait.. am I liking Spencer? but why was I so upset about Derek having a girlfriend. I come back down stairs to see Derek laughing with her. she then touches his leg, and I get warmer. then he does what sets me over the edge: rubs her arm in circular motions, like he would do to me. "I-i can't do this" I whisper to myself but I'm pretty sure Emily heard me, then he looks into my eyes. "Toni! wait!" but I'm already out the door. 

while storming out of Rossi's house in the rain I see Derek following me not that far behind. I open the Uber when I feel someone grabbing my arm from behind. I tell Derek to stop and he responds with, "what's wrong, you're being so dramatic." at this point theirs already tears flowing down my face like waterfalls. "dramatic, how am I being dramatic? I just saw you with another girl after a week after my accident." I can tell he was also heart broken by the way he said these next few words. "I'm sorry, after all were not a couple anymore. I've met someone else, Toni." "you moved on that fast!" he heard the voice cracks in my voice and he knew how hurt I was. I push Derek away and I'm about to get into the Uber when I glance back at the girl Derek was with. I take a good look at her and realize it was my friend Anna, one of the interns that I got close with. "how could you do this? with Anna?" I say to him as my voice begins to shatter. "it's not what it looks like, and we only slept together once." "you slept together?" I now hear myself beginning to yell. the whole team is outside watching this break down. "is this true? with her best friend?" Garcia says. "son you really did this to her?" Rossi says. I shut the car door when Derek says, "wait comeback please." I drove away as I rethink my life at the BAU, and my friendship with Derek while theirs tears on my hands touching my cold legs.