CHASING PAVEMENTS ⇒ wolfstar

EPILOGUE II

I'M MR. LOVERMAN
AND I MISS MY LOVER, MAN
I'M MR. LOVERMAN
OH, AND I MISS MY LOVER
I'M SHATTERED NOW
I'M SPILLING OUT
UPON THIS LINOLEUM GROUND
I'M REELING IN MY BRAIN AGAIN
BEFORE IT CAN GET BACK TO YOU
OH, WHAT AM I 'SPOSED TO DO
WITHOUT YOU?
- Mr Loverman, Ricky Montgomery

Life without Sirius is glum.

Dull.

Bluer than blue.

Along with losing it's buyer, Remus finds Honeycomb Perch has somehow lost it's sparkle, the very thing that Sirius had spent hours one night detailing to Remus that it was the cert reason he bought the damn place.

But Remus is trying. He's trying for his two little babies that have no idea what is happening within their family right now. Their worlds had changed just as quick as Remus' had and it makes him feel so much pain in his heart for them. Sirius hadn't just broken Remus' heart, he'll most likely leave Elliot and Rowan's shattered also.

Remus feels distraught, more lost than he ever had felt before. He is nauseous and sick the majority of the time. Whether it was regular morning sickness or a nauseated feeling that could only be born from grief, Remus does not know. Nor is he sure if he particularly wants to know the answer either.

There are many long nights where Rowan is restless, shouting at him and screaming like most young children do when their parent is in as much distress as Remus is. He understands that Rowan is confused and maybe even a little angry at the world right now, but this is extremely out of character for him and Remus can't bare to see his son so frustrated. Remsu won't lie, out of spite, he almost removed the S initial from Rowan's name. He half considered just referring to Rowan as Regulus, or some kind of name he knows Sirius would despite.

"Where is daddy?!" Rowan had cried one night, weeping for hours against Remus' chest, his shaking hands clinging to Remus' nightshirt as he sobs. Remus had shushed him softly, rubbing his hair with a gentleness he thinks Rowan needs most right now.

"Daddy's on a holiday, baby boy, shush," Remus had whispered with tears of his own. "He's going to be gone for a little while,"

Elliot has also taken quite the turn. She no longer climbs trees or runs through the murky grass with bare feet, instead, she just looks at Remus with those sad, longing grey eyes. It makes Remus wish more than anything that she would act out like her younger brother; that she would yell at him and cry for her father. But instead, she is quite and reserved and almost un-Elliot like.

Rowan, whom has always been quite the mummy's boy, has taken to shouting at Remus over small inconvinces. His teeth hurt? Mummy's fault. He couldn't find his toy? Mummy must be to blame. His daddy had disappeared from his life and was locked in a federal wizarding holding cell? Mummy had the blunt of it.