It Was in Me

avatar state/cycle

3. avatar state/cycle - someone has drained the color from my wings / broken my fairy circle ring

Toph couldn't explain the feeling.

The sand in the desert alone had made it thrice as hard for her to discern anything about her surroundings, so if Toph was honest, she had next to no idea of what happened when Aang learned who'd stolen Appa. Wind and sand had bitten at her face, she recalled, and dug into the corners of her eyes. Sokka had grabbed her arm, pulling her backwards and yelling for everyone to run. Other than that, it had all been... imperceptible.

There had been power in the air, though. Power that had crackled over her skin like lightning, burning a hole through her chest. So Toph may not have known the details of what was happening around her, but when Aang spoke with the voice of a thousand ancient, aching souls... Her blood had run cold.

And yet, not even two minutes later, the roaring wind had died.

Toph didn't understand. Maybe - Maybe part of her was afraid to. To learn the source of such raw strength, raw energy. But she needed to know. She owed Aang that, at least, didn't she? Because it was her fault. Hers and hers alone that the sandbenders had stolen Appa.

But Toph didn't dare ask Aang himself. The guilt gnawing at her insides only worsened whenever she was within a few feet of her friend. She'd nearly asked Sokka, but a thought had occurred to her moments before she'd readied herself to approach him.

Toph... didn't remember Sokka grabbing his little sister while they were in the desert. This recollection - or lack thereof - led her to conclude that maybe, just maybe... Katara had been with Aang. If that was true, then she'd know better than anyone what had happened after Appa was stolen.

Asking Katara was harder than asking Sokka, though, for reasons Toph couldn't quite place. Reasons she didn't want to place.

But Toph willed herself to ask. She was an earthbender, after all - she had to face her problems head-on, because they weren't going to disappear on their own. They would only grow heavier and heavier and heavier on her back until she squared her shoulders and threw the weight off of her own accord.

Toph waited until a night where Sokka and Aang were asleep already. Katara was usually the last to fall asleep, anyways - something about her connection to the moon - but Aang tended to stay up with her. Not tonight, though. He'd passed out seconds after collapsing next to Sokka. Such timing had worked out in Toph's favor.

She crept across their camp with light footsteps so as not to wake their friends. Katara wasn't far away - only ten or so feet from their weakly flickering fire, her back against a large rock that crested out the ground. If the purring Toph heard was any indication, the waterbender was petting Momo, too.

Toph lowered herself next to Katara, unsure of how to initiate a conversation. Thankfully, her friend had it covered.

"Couldn't sleep?" Katara's voice was quiet. Gentle.

Toph shrugged. "Could've. Chose not to."

Katara chuckled. "Alright. Care to share why you've chosen to stay awake, then?"

Toph's mouth went dry. All thoughts of preparation and readiness went out the window as she was struck with a paralyzing notion - what if Katara blamed her for Appa being stolen, too?

There was a pause. "You don't have to explain if you don't want to," Katara hastily reassured her. "I just..." She exhaled. "I'm here to listen if you need it, okay?"

Toph licked her lips. It was now or never. "I - I have a question, actually," she managed to say without her voice cracking. She flexed her palms, tension already rising in her body. "What... What happened in the desert? With the sandbenders?" She took a deep breath. "With Aang?"