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Morgan Wilson.

...

My mom always told me to grow up, find someone good. Find someone caring. Have kids at a young age. Find a loving family. She always told me to prioritize family over anything, and that a job would never be as important as a safe space at home.

"Morgan! Who the fuck told you that your life is your choice?!" I sniff as i cover my face. I am already leaning up the wall as he is coming closer to me. He is mad.

And I listened to my mom, I really tried my best. I met Theo the last year of college. He was perfect, too good to be true.

"I'm sorry" I cry out hoping he will back off. I know he won't. There is no going back.

He took me on road trips every night. We jammed the music as loud as the car could take and we drove the country lanes thin. Everything back then seemed so easy.

"I never said you could do that!" he spits. I knew I would get in trouble I was just hoping it wouldn't be tonight. Theo never waits. I should have asked him first. Everything with him is an in-the-moment-act. I should just have checked with him.

Theo and I were supposed to grow up together. Grow old together. Little did I know that life apparently is not as easy, as I could have hoped.

I cry harder as I finally sense his hard knuckles in the middle of my stomach. I want to scream, but I know it will only make things worse than they already are.

He was my first love. Still my only love, even though things have changed over the years. As life went on, I knew I needed to get out there and start living. My dream had always been to become a lawyer. That hadn't changed. Theo worked at a small gas station just outside the city. It went well until I started at university and Theo got fired. He stopped showing up for his shifts and he never informed anything to his boss. It went downhill from here.

"What even is this thing?" he almost screamed in my face. I curl up tighter against the wall. If I answer he will be mad, if I don't answer, he will be mad too.

"The chance of my life. If I get accepted..." I almost whisper.

"I never said you could take chances!"

"I know, I'm sorry. But please, we can work this out-"

I see nothing but black dots as my eyes shut. There is a ringing in my ears, and I can't really hear anything else, until I hear the front door shut. I feel relieved that he finally left, but I know it isn't over. He is gonna go for a walk to cool down, but instead he will walk past the bar and end up drinking all night until he comes home drunk as shit at two in the morning, only to continue where we left off. It is the same every time. In the beginning it only happened once. He had me convinced it was a mistake. That he was sorry. He barely ever hits me in the face anymore. He knows it will be seen. Now it's mostly my arms he is hurting or punching me in the stomach. Some weeks, when it is really bad, it can be up to more than three times a week.

It takes a while before the adrenaline lets go of me and I finally start crying. Not sobbing but ugly crying. My body shakes uncontrollably as the tears drip down my cheeks. I'm lying helpless on the floor in our kitchen. The kitchen floor I was planning for our kids to grow up on. We should raise two kids, a boy and a girl: Oliver and Maya. We used to talk about it in college. He came up with the names. We would talk about how we would take them to Disneyland and on vacations to France, Italy or Thailand. Places Theo had always wanted to go. Now I know that is not gonna happen. I would never bring kids into the world, not knowing if they would be safe in their own home. I can take the beating, but I would never forgive myself if I let my kids get hurt on my watch.

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