In the court of law || h.s.

03

Harry Styles.

...

I turn my head and discover in disbelief that it is already noon. Time flies. For four days Amelia and I haven't had a real conversation. For four months before that, we haven't been who we used to be. We used to laugh and smile and kiss and goof around, but Amelia got distant overnight one day, and our conversations fell. She was not herself, but she wouldn't let me in. She wouldn't tell me what happened. I tried to act as normal around her as I best knew how to: kiss her goodnight, joke around a bit with her, hug her tight, tell her I loved her. It became less and less true and more and more of an act towards the end. I talked to Niall about it once on a night out. He said to give it time. I don't know where I stand right now, but I just know that I have given it plenty of time. I'm not sure how much more time I have to give.

We are supposed to be at the hospital in 30 minutes. Niall said he would pick us up, said something about how Louis might join. My mind is a blur. I don't remember if he said he would, or if he said he wouldn't. It doesn't really matter. No matter how it is going to happen and who is gonna be there, it will be a living nightmare. How do you prepare yourself for the news of how your daughter died?

My chest gets heavier as I think about it. I want to scream. Cry. Throw a fit, but I can't. Not when Amelia is around. She must be hurting even more than I am. I don't recognize her anymore. This strange silhouette of a woman sitting beside me in her pajamas is not the woman I fell in love with. She is not the one I live with. Not the one I know.

I keep telling myself that it will pass, that it is all caused by the grief. I know it is not true though, deep down. She became someone else long before Leah died. I know I have to do something, make a move. Not for Amelia, because I know it won't help her, but for me, because it is what I need. Because it will help me.

...

"Hey. Are you ready to go?" Niall sighs out. "Louis is waiting in the car." Oh, so Louis would be here. I don't know how I feel about it. I don't know how I feel about anything. He is a good friend, but I'm not sure we are close enough for him to see me completely without a shield. This is the closest you get to completely defenseless.

I nod as I look up at Amelia. Her eyes facing down. She doesn't accept my invitation to a smile. I look away again.

We walk in silence to the car in the parking lot in front of our small house. Niall is repeatedly throwing and catching the car keys as we walk the few meters to the black car.

"Hey." a voice says firmly as I get inside the car. Louis.

"Hey." I reply monotonous.

Quiet again.

The drive is long. Not in reality, I would guess it takes about 10 minutes. But to me it feels endless. Infinite.

The millions of trees we pass, highway, buildings. Big buildings.

The radio is on its lowest volume, just enough for me to hear a tiny hint of something that might sound like a typical pop-love song.

Amelia keeps her eyes on the road looking out the window. She doesn't make a sound. I feel slightly annoyed by her presence next to me in the back of the car. Niall hums along with the song, making me think of something else. I keep telling myself that I have no right. No right to be mad at her or annoyed with her, when she is just coping. But her way of coping is so different from mine. Well, not actually, cause on the outside I don't say or show anything either. On the inside I feel all the emotions. All at once. If I give in for even part of a second, I will lose it completely. I can't let that happen.