You are my FLAME

Trouble in paradise

Have you ever felt useless in life? When someone you love is in anguish, you know they are in pain but you don't know why and therefore you don't know how to help them. How does that feel? How does it feel to watch them drown from aside? You don't know swimming and there is no one you can approach to help. Every time you see them crying alone hiding from the world, do you feel that splitting pain in your heart? Do you feel worthless standing in the shade watching them not even able to wipe their tears? Because that was how I felt whenever I saw Jay.

I thought everything would be fine the next day after that controversial argument with Vian. I mean it was not like we never had arguments all those years. Jay and Vian were the ones who fought the most. Even then we never left each other's side, and I guess that was why we were never able to be mad at each other for so long. But I realized how wrong I was when I saw Vian in school.

Jay was quiet all morning. He didn't talk unless he needed to. He looked like he was in a constant state of thinking about something and I didn't know how to get it out of him. He still didn't talk about what exactly happened that day at his home.

We reached the school in awkward silence and waited for Vian under our favorite tree where I met him first. Jay moved slowly away from me and leaned on the tree trunk. Within a minute or so I could say that his mind slipped away from the present.

It was sad for me to look at him like that. He wasn't ready to talk yet, and I don't know how to help him without him allowing me to. Jay used to be a closed person. He never shared things like his personal life and his problems with anyone that easily. Everyone thought that he was a happy person with no problems. He was the pillar of our friendship. If we didn't know better he could have fooled us too. But eventually, he learned to open up to me and Vian. He shared with me most of the things... things he thought that Vian might not understand.

But this time it was different. I could feel it in my guts. He built up a wall around him and locked himself inside. I don't know how to break it. Hell, I wasn't even sure if I wanted to. Because even if I did, I don't know how to help him. I felt hopeless standing there staring at my best friend who was losing his mind slowly.

After a minute or so, I realized I was looking at him so long. I sighed deeply and tried to focus on looking for Vian. I saw him walking past us with Hazel towards the school. I must have missed him while looking at Jay. But why didn't he call me? In confusion, I ran towards them calling his name. They both stopped and turned to look at me.

"Hey haze, Hey V," I greeted them while rapidly breathing because of the running.

"We were waiting for you. I guess you didn't notice us. Did you think that we went inside?" He must have thought that we waited for him near the locker inside the school like sometimes we do. Because there was no other explanation for what he did after years of going to class together.

"No, I saw you." He said casually like it was a usual thing for him.

"What?" I was shocked and confused.

"I told you, Ava, I don't want to do anything to do with him anymore. And the fact that you are hanging with him is not helping me," he said in annoyance.

"So you want me to abandon him too?" I was angry and didn't like the way he talked.

He didn't say anything back. So I wanted to give him one last nudge before I give up and go to Jay. I left him alone without saying anything.

"V, What is wrong with you? We are best friends. Friends don't abandon each other. Jay needs you now." I tried to convince him.

"You can talk to me when he is not with you. Otherwise don't bother." saying that he left with Hazel without looking back.