Goodbye, mom.

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Dear Ava,

If you are reading this then I won't be by your side by then. First of all, I am really sorry. I have a lot to apologize to you. Sorry for not telling you about my sickness and not for preparing you for my death. I know you will feel unjust for leaving you out, but trust me, it is my worst nightmare.

I decided to tell you and prepared a speech, making up my mind, mustering up the courage a lot of times but when I see you walking in front of my eyes with a wide smile, I just forget my own worries.

I just couldn't do it. You look happy, passionate, dreaming as you should at this age. You are everything that I wanted you to be, and I just don't want to ruin it all for you. Most of all, I am just scared, Ava... scared of leaving you so soon. I want to see you graduate college, fall in love, build a family but I guess I am just that unlucky so I don't want to spend the last of my days thinking just about my sickness and watching you cry. That's just worse than death itself, so I am leaving this letter to you hoping that it will give you some closure after my death.

I just want to say a few simple things as every mother wanted to say to her daughter. Please be happy. That's all I ask from you and please don't cry much. I just hate seeing you cry. And also know that none of this is your fault. I know you will beat yourself saying that you are a bad daughter for not knowing it sooner but you are not. You are the best thing that happened to me, and I can't be more proud when I see my beautiful, kind, passionate daughter every day. I love you so much, Ava. Remember that.

-With lots of love, mom.

P.S I thought you liked Jay. I know... I am a bad mother, but I hope your Grey-eyed god notices you sooner, and sorry for reading your journal.

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