I think I love you.
And by that I mean I really don't.
I could repeat the words "I love you"
over and over in my head
but at the end
of the day
I still go home and think about myself
and how much I hurt.
That's all I can focus on
and I'm sorry
I love you
Sometimes.
When you tell me I am beautiful
I smile and say you too
And I do really mean it.
But its really hard to love you
when I cant even not really hate myself
and hate the feelings I have
the feelings that make me yell at you when I know you're just trying to help
the feelings that cause me to not answer for days
and instead bathe in the feeling of being alone.
Which is really just an edgy way of saying listening to music on a shitty speaker and laying in bed all day.
But, until I learn to be a less angsty teen
that can control how they feel
and not think things like "bathing in the feeling of being alone"
in a poem about a person who wants to change that for them.
I love you,
-sometimes.
