Unholy Gestures

Chapter 14

Jace had dropped me off at the park fifteen minutes earlier, telling me that at any time I decided I didn't want to be there his car would be just around the corner. Waiting for me. But I knew I had to stay. I had to get this over with. Just one more time before I can go on with my life. Living it without him.

I pace back and forth beside the bench, pausing every now and then to stare out over the lake in front of me. It was such a beautiful place, the Carlton Gardens. A little stone bridge leading to a small island in the lake. The water, while not clear was stunning and reflected the cloudy sky.

Flowers fought the sky for my attention. While they may be beginning to disappear for the night, the colours were vibrant and the smell overpowering.

Last time we were here we stayed on the island. Had a picnic while we watched the sun set. It was a stunning sunset, a clear sky which was painted with vibrant colours. All happy memories of the garden. I can only think of that time as happy. Not even what happened at Greece would be able to take that away from me.

When it was just about time for Cole to arrive I sat on the bench, put my head into my hands and took deep breaths.

I can do this. I have to do this.

I can leave. Jace is waiting for me. I can leave.

I look back up at the island. I can't leave. There he was. Cole was standing on the island, pacing as I was just moments before. He ran his fingers through his hair, just as he always does when he is nervous. I took a moment to study him. The first time I can really look at him without him knowing.

He looks no better than I do. He was wearing trackies and a button-down shirt. A shirt that I can see from even this distance it isn't done up correctly. I imagined what I would have done if I was over there, before I could get a grip on myself.

I wouldn't be able to help myself, because for a second I could just see Cole as he was, someone in pain. Something I cannot stand. I'd want to help him, to make him smile and to make him feel better. But I can't do that, because I know why he is like this. And whatever he is feeling, I am also feeling.

I didn't want to walk over, I wanted to leave. I didn't want the gardens to be ruined with the memory of what is potentially about to happen. But it's not like I could ever come here again without thinking about him. This will be my closure, that's all it has to be.

I take a deep breath and begin to walk over to the bridge, knowing that once I step into his sight there is no going back.

I can do this, I have to do this.

I time my breathing to my steps, in on my left, out on my right. Attempting to slow my racing heart.

My feet make an audible noise as I cross the old wooden bridge. I look up, straight into Cole's eyes but quickly look back down.

He took a couple steps toward me before stopping. I continued walking toward him, but stopped about two metres away.

My eyes raise again and look at him, from closer I can see that he was sporting a faint beard.

"You came." I could barely hear him he spoke so quietly.

"I told you I'd come." My voice stronger than I thought it would be.

"You always did follow through with actions."

"I always do." I agree. "What did you want to talk about?" I ask, wanting to get this over with.

"You know what I want to talk about."

"Then get on with it." He winced before answering.

"I never meant to hurt you, Addi. I never intended it to go any further than talking to each other. I just hadn't seen Kat in a few years and I was surprised about seeing her. I'd honestly forgotten about her and I knew that if I told you, you would refuse to go back to the restaurant."