Where's Tommy?

The Day After

*TRIGGER WARNING* Mention of suicide and abuse *TRIGGER WARNING*

~Tommy's POV~

After I left Tubbo in my house, I start to head back to Techno's house. I realize I should pick up a communicator, so Tubbo can communicate with me.

But then I realize that the place I could usually grab one is gone and blown up, WHICH IS STILL NOT MY FAULT!

I shake my head and then go to Techno's

---

Once I am there, I notice Ranboo has made a small house in the side of the mountain. I see Techno and Phil talking about something, so I head over to where Ranboo is.

"Hey Ranboo!" I exclaim.

"WHA- Jeez, you scared me man. How you doing?" Ranboo asks.

"I- I don't know how to feel. It's bitter sweet. I feel relief, but it also feels like I fully lost Wilbur. I- can't explain it. It's where I first remember feeling like someone cares. But it's also where I got hurt the most."

"Makes sense. Do you want to go inside and talk about it?"

I smile at Ranboo. "I think I would like that." 

Me and Ranboo walk inside his new house. We sit down at a table. We sit in silence, him waiting for me talk. Not pressuring me too. Finally I gather the strength to talk about it.

"You know, I remember the one thing Wilbur said to me before the first war, he said 'Tommy, L'manberg isn't the ground we stand on, it is the people, it is us. So if they take and pillage our land that's fine because L'manberg will only die with us. Once we are both dead, than L'manberg will be truly gone, the idea of what L'manberg is will cease to exist.' And I think that is partly why I helped destroy L'manberg. Because the idea of L'manberg is gone. And now L'manberg itself is gone." I take a deep breath.

"Wilbur was wise, from what I've heard."

"Yeah..... he was. You know...I think the hardest part of losing someone or something, isn't having to say goodbye, but rather learning to live without them/it. You'll always be trying to fill the void, the emptiness that's left inside your heart when they/it go. I mean I'm 16 and I've lost everything. When I was 6 my mom died and the town I lived in shunned me. Then I met you and I was happy for a while until, you disappeared. Then I got to the Dream SMP and I met Wilbur, then Philza came and killed him. It's like what ever I try to fill the emptiness with, somehow gets destroyed or killed.

"And then I finally thought I was gonna be happy, I thought me and Tubbo will be happy for once, but he exiled me and left me with Dream. And what Dream did...... it...... it hurt. And when Ghostbur stopped showing up, it hurt more. So, I started to believe Dream was my only friend. I mean, he'd give me presents, but then proceed to blow up the progress I had made. And I hadn't had anyone visiting me and I forgot what actual friendship was like, so I accepted it. I started to believe what he told me. I started to think he was right, that no one misses me and I'm better off gone. I started to think that maybe, just maybe, he was right.

"So, this August, I began to dream of drowning. I would fall asleep for once and then the next thing I know I would wake up in the ocean. Every time I was farther and farther out. And every time I was deeper and deeper. It only stopped when Dream caught it happening and he scared me so bad, I guess I stopped.

"That's when I started to stare into the lava for hours on end when no one was there, then Dream would show up and tell me it's not my time to die, then he'd torture me for the day before leaving once again. The only thing that seemed to keep me going was the letters you sent me. But then at Christmas when no one showed up or even wished me a Merry Christmas, I started to think once more that no one cares, and maybe no one would notice I was gone, but then Dream showed up. We were having fun, until he found the stuff I hid from him and he blew up everything told me I needed to start over from scratch. That was the last straw and then that's when I jumped."