Chat Blanc: Behind the Burrow

Chapter One - Marinette

"I can't believe you're going to do this, Marinette."

I remember telling myself that I'd never fall in love with him, but I couldn't stop myself, and now I'm getting ready to tell him how I feel about him. Everyone was so excited to hear that Adrien Agreste will be attending Françoise Dupont High School. Every girl loved him, and I never want to be like other girls. I told myself that I would never fall in love with him, but here we are - building up the nerve to go to his house. 

There was just something different about how he treated me. He wasn't the Adrien Agreste with me, just Adrien -- a friend. I hated him at first. I guess I had assumed that he was a douche because he modeled, but I wish I had given him the benefit of the doubt. I was sure that he was the one who planted the chewed gum on my seat, not Chloe. So then I was so shocked when he offered me his umbrella in the pouring rain. I was so embarrassed, but mostly because I was wrong about who he is. He handed me the umbrella, and the rain caused the handle to be slip, and it closed around me. He laughed, and the sound of it replays in my head every day. I want to make him happy the way that I did on that day. That is why I am doing this. 

I take a deep breath, and tell myself, "Marinette, today is the day."

I know I have been saying this for so long, but I finally mean it. I'm tired of being scared all the time. I am Ladybug! And I am the only person in the world who can say that. I save Paris daily, so this should be nothing. Adrien is my friend; I know who he is. The worst that can happen is that he doesn't like the gift, and knowing him, he'll still pretend he does.

It's his fifths names day. Finally, a reason to give him this barret that I've been working on for weeks. I've had plenty of practice balancing my two lives, but it was still difficult to find time to work on this while managing my responsibilities as Ladybug. Every night, Chat Noir and I patrol the streets, keeping an eye out for an akumatized villain. Each night he tries to ask me out, but I have to decline every time. Who can blame him? The moonlight over Paris makes the most romantic scenery. 

I don't want to do this to him, considering that I know exactly what he's feeling; he loves me the way that I love Adrien. I only wish I could tell him why I don't feel the same, who I love. The problem is that telling him who I have feelings for will give him a clue about my true identity. Maybe Chat knows Adrien? If he knows him, then he will figure out that I go to the same school as Adrien. From there, it's not hard to figure out who I am.  I'm only doing this to him because I care - I want to keep him safe. Always. 

"Are you ready, Tikki?"

"Yes! You've got this, Marinette. I believe in you."

I gently lay Tikki at the bottom of my bag, grab the barret off my desk, and head down the stairs. I run past my parents working on a new recipe in the bakery, and my body just suddenly stops in front of the door. It finally hit me; it's not just a barret. This is like a declaration of my love. After I tell him that I have feelings for him, those feelings could possibly be returned. Adrien Agreste could be my boyfriend. The energy runs through my body, and I use all the force that contains me and push through the door. 

I run like I never have before. After a few seconds, I open my eyes and realize that I closed them in the first place. I throw my arms out to the side and take in the air that surrounds my body. With my arms out, I push through the air resistance and feel like I could push through anything that comes my way. I  feel my legs push off the ground faster, and I start to feel burning in my lungs; for some reason, I don't mind. I need the pain, to feel something -- it's soothing. 

I have not felt like that in such a long time. I was me; I didn't have to pretend. When I'm with my best friend, Alya, I can't even be my true self. She spends all of her time trying to figure out who Ladybug is, so I can't give anything away. I have to be super careful to not drop any clues; she's very smart.  It's not that I don't trust her, because I do, I just don't want to have her keep this burden of a secret. And not to mention how I act around Chat Noir. He knows exactly what it's like to live a double life, but he's so desperate to know who I am. Don't get me wrong, I'd love to know what face lies behind that mask of his, but I don't want to put him in danger. Hawk Moth could make him reveal my identity. I will never give Hawk Moth power -- he deserves nothing. 

I finally reach the gate of the Agreste residence, and I remember that I can't breathe. The pleasure is turning into pain, but then again, how different are they really? I breathe in, and breathe out, remembering what I'm here for; I must talk to Adrien. I try to ring the doorbell, but I can't. The only thing I can do right now is listen to the thoughts that have been pounding against my mind since this morning. 

 I forgot how big his house is. It somehow seems to slip my mind that I'm standing at the door of the most famous fashion designer in Paris, Gabriel Agreste. I love Adrien because he is supportive, kind, and always stands up for what's right, not because his face is on every fashion build board. My name isn't in big lights like his. I'm just...normal. I'm only Marinette. I wonder if he could ever love me for me. 

I take a deep breath, close my eyes, and press my finger up against the doorbell. It rings, and I take in that I just did that. This is it!

"Hello?"

"Hi! My name is Marinette Dupain-Cheng, a classmate of Adrien's. Is he here?"

"Adrien is not currently present in the Agreste residence, Ms. Dupain-Cheng."

"Oh."

I gasp when air refills my lungs -- I had stopped breathing. I spent weeks working on the gift, an hour building up the courage, and it took me 30 minutes to run here. I did it all for nothing. I swore that today was the day. Maybe this is just a sign that it's not meant to work out between me and him. 

"Ms. Dupain-Cheng?"

"Yes?"

"Feel free to come back later this week"

Later this week? Ok, fine; I can wait. 

"Thank you, I'll be back."

I walk back with my head down, and I have never felt more like a failure in my life. I just want to... I just want to give up.

"It's okay Marinette! You heard what she said, just come back next week."

"Tikki, it's his fifth name's day. It needs to be today"

"Then do something about it"

I am Ladybug. I know what I want, and I can get it if I try hard enough.

"Tikki, spots on!"