Chat Blanc: Behind the Burrow

Chapter Two - Adrien

"Is that all you've got?!"

I dodge Kagami's fencing sword and have to struggle to stand back up after a wave of dizziness hit's me -- I feel like I'm falling down an endless hole. I've been so out of it today, and I just need to lay down in my bed. I stumble over my feet and gather up all of the energy that I contain to reach my sword out in an attempt to end the match. This has been going back and forth for hours, and I'm starting to think that this is all that I've got. I'm not playing to win, but only not to lose. 

I haven't been getting any sleep lately. Ladybug and I are out all night patrolling the streets in order to ensure the safety of the citizens of Paris. I feel like I can't complain. I took on this responsibility and all of its disadvantages the minute that I took on the role of Chat Noir. I try to make it fun at least by making all of my cat puns, but Ladybug doesn't even seem to find those funny anymore. Things have just been so awkward between us after last week. I gave her a rose and told her how I felt about her, but to my disappointment, the feelings aren't returned. She said that she's in love with someone else, but no one will ever understand her the way that I do. No one else has to live a double life as a superhero of Paris. I just want to know who she chose over me. She says that she's not telling me to protect me, but it's too late for that -- my heart has already been broken. 

"Hey, team, gather around! We're going to announce this week's awards" 

My vision focuses back on the scene when the sound of my coach's shout brings me back to reality. I should be grateful, but I could live in my daydreams if I could. At least there, Ladybug loves me. I follow behind my teammates to the center of the gymnasium. I sit down on the cold floor and allow the chill to travel up my body, reminding me that I'm here. I place my hands behind me and feel the familiar touch of Kagami's hand brush up against mine. 

I like Kagami, I really do. She's a nice girl, but I know I can't do this with her. I can't be in a relationship with someone that I have to keep such a big secret from. If we date, she's going to start to wonder where I keep going off to late at night. She's going to get curious as to why I keep disappearing whenever there is an akumatized villain. One of the reasons why I like Kagami is because she's so smart, but that's a big reason why I can't be with her -- she's going to catch on quick. I also can't hide my feelings for Ladybug. I know that she doesn't love me, and I don't know if she ever will, but that doesn't matter to me. I can't date Kagami just because Ladybug doesn't have feelings for me; I won't make her second choice, the way that I am to Ladybug. 

"Adrien..."

I hear a whisper of my name and for a minute I recognize the voice as Ladybug's, but I know it can't be. It's all in my mind -- she's the only thing there. My surroundings focus back in, and that familiar touch returns to my hand. Kagami taps me and tilts her head to our couch. 

"Adrien?"

"Yes, sir."

"You are the most improved athlete of the week. Congratulations, young man."

"Thank you."

I look over to Kagami, and I am greeted with that same warm smile that erases Ladybug from my mind for a moment. She gives me a hug, and the soft touch of her skin makes my stomach drop. I don't know how or why, but Kagami makes me feel special. I walk up to retrieve my medal from our coach and don't stop walking. I head straight towards the locker room without any hesitation with my bedroom being the only thing on my mind. 

I take off my protective gear and don't even bother with changing out of my sports gear. I'd rather just wait until I get home so I can shower and lay down. I'm not even going to bother to try to show my father my award; I know he's busy. He'll always choose work over me -- the same way that Ladybug chooses him over me.

"Hey, Adrien, wait up!"

"Hey, Kagami."

"Could I get a ride home? My mom had to run some errands."

"Yeah, of course."

We walk outside, and the fresh air fills my lungs. I slowly close my eyelids, and for the first time in so long, I feel at peace; it's refreshing. In this moment, and in this moment only, I don't care that I'm Chat Noir. I don't care that Ladybug doesn't love me. I only care about the soft sting of the breeze on my skin that rushes against my burned cheeks. I remember the pain of my hot tears dripping down my cheeks last night. Does she mean that much to me? I don't know why I feel this way, but I know that I don't want to anymore. I shouldn't be crying over a girl that I don't know. I simply lost it last night, finally cracked. I have been holding all my feelings in for so long, and I am tired of pretending that everything is okay. 

The last woman I cried over previous to Ladybug was my mom. I miss her more and more every day; she'd know exactly how to help me. She's the only person I could go to. I can't even believe that she's gone. I don't know where everything went wrong. My mother has always been happy and healthy. Then, one day, she was just gone. I don't know what happened to her. My father says that she's dead, but I like to believe that one day she will return. She promised me that she'd always come to me when I need her most, and my mom doesn't break her promises. My father doesn't love me, and he doesn't even pretend to. I just want him to see me. I need someone to see me. I don't care if all of Paris has their eyes on me; they don't see who I really am.

My bodyguard pulls up, and I help Kagami walk down the stairs. He smiles once he sees me, and that makes my day every time -- if only my father smiled at me like that. I take Kagami's equipment from her hands, open the truck, and place them in. She waits for me to open the door for her, and she sits down so eloquently. Everything she does, she does it so beautifully. Every action is taken gracefully. I walk around the car and sit down next to her. The car drives off, and I notice that I'm dozing off. I am one with the car as it rushes forward through the air. We are in sync, almost the same way that Ladybug and I are. A little while later, the car slows down and shortly comes to a complete stop. I get out of the car, walk around to Kagami's side, and open the door. I take her hand to help her out, and for a second, I realize that I never want to let it go. 

"Thank you so much for the ride!"

"Goodbye, Kagami. I'll see you next week."

I walk back towards the car, stopping myself from turning around to get one last glimpse of her, and sit down. The car starts again and the vibration rumbles through my body. We start driving faster, and the surroundings begin to blur together. I close my eyes and just listen to everything around me, taking in what my life is now. We're a couple of blocks away from my house when I see a red blur coming out from what I think is an alleyway. I need another look, it can't be her. I rub my eyes, turn back, and there she is... 

Ladybug.