Debris (a vicerylle story)

XXXVII. HER LAST WORDS

5

Ilang araw na di mapakali si Vice sa lahat ng nangyayari. Si Terrence na naging sandigan nya ay misan hindi nya maasahan kasi pag kailangan nya ito ay hindi ito dumarating. Napagpasyahan nyang tawagan si K ngunit bago nya pa ito madial, his phone rang. Vhong was calling.

"Brad, nasan ka???" Vhong's voice was a little shaky.

"Nasa bahay, Bakit?" Vice responded.

"Alam mo bang umalis na si K aalis na--???!!" But before Vhobg could finish his statement Vice dropped the phone. Biglang nagdrain lahat ng iniisip nya. The next thing he knew he was driving his way to K's condo.

Shit... K wag mo kong iwan pls.. Sorry sa lahat ng pasakit.. Di ko sinasadya.. Wag mo lang akong iwan.. Gagawin ko ang lahat..

He had been dialing K' number but unfortunately he can't reach it.

He was waiting for the elevator. As it opened Vice's eyes popped out of what he saw inside that made him shiver in no time. He saw Terrence and a pregnant girl with him.

"Vi-- Vice????" Nauutal na sabi ni Terrence.

"Sino sya hun???" the girl asked.

But without saying anything Vice slapped Terrence hard on he face.

"Ano bang problema mong bakla ka?!?" the girl hugged Terrence and gave Vice a death threat glare in the eyes.

"Wag kang sumali ditong babae ka. Wag mo akong piliting pumatol sa buntis!" he pinted out the girl.

"Wag mo syang idamay Vice. Kasalanan ko to.. Ako na lang saktan mo. Patawarin mo ko!"

"Ang kapal ng mukha mo! Matapos kitang sustentuhan , lolokohin mo lang ako! Paano mo napapakain sa babae mo ang preang nanggaling sakin?!"

"So ikaw pala ang bakla nya?!?! Tandaan mo ito! Lalaki ka at ang dapat sayo babae! May itsura ka panaman!"

He was mad. Yes he is but what the girl said made him to run off the elevator.

At dahil alam nya nan ang code ng condo ni K ay derideristo syang pumasok. He checked every room but there's no sign of her. He sat in that couch feeling hopeless.

"Uuuurggggghhhhhh!!!!!!K!!!!!!!! "

7

He was crying. Halos hindi sya makahinga sa nangyayaring iniwan lang sya bigla ni K. He punched the table in front of him. But later he realized that there was an envelope in front of him.

There was a name Vice outside of it. And out of curiosity he opened it.

Pogi,

Sulat ko ito sayo baka sakaling mapunta ka dito. Ayokong isipin na sa pagbalik ko ay nandito pa rin ito at di mo pa rin nabubuksan.
8
You knew everything. And that could be my biggest mistake. Ever.  I allowed you to know everything about me. Or, at least everything that I wanted you to know about me. But there’s one thing I have forgotten to tell you. Or maybe, suppressed from you. I’ve always wanted a gay for a best friend. Someone like you. But you showed me more than that.

Let me tell you that I was more than HAPPY when you became my bestfriend.
Maybe because I didn’t have to worry that I might use my cruel wonderwall against you simply because I knew I will never cross the clichéd thin line from platonic to romantic zone. Maybe because it seems that I would never feel so insecure about my unripe esteem or the lack thereof whenever I’m with you. Maybe because when I’m with you, I am secretly allowed to look at “certain situations” and substitute your presence to a member of the opposite sex and learn things in a very deceiving manner. Maybe because people like you would make me realize my own what-ifs and supposed-to-be’s in a less painful way. Maybe because you can put it this way: you’re the lesser evil since I find all guys to be evil and since you still have your own set of biological make-up which makes you still, yes, a man.
9
I was very happy that I already have someone whom I can freely mention, since you retain a man’s name, whenever I make kwento with my mom simply because I knew I don’t have to explain  why a certain guy is constantly a part of my everyday episodes. I already have someone who I can call and talk about anything at the wee hours of the night. I already have someone who I allow to tease me like it would be the end of the world if he wouldn’t do so not because it doesn’t hurt me but because I just want him to notice me somehow. I already have someone whom I can sweetly  pose with in a photo, sweet enough for me to actually make it my cellphone wallpaper AND Facebook profile pic. I already have someone who I desperately look for a peace offering ,  and make an effort to make lambing not just because I don’t want him to be mad at me anymore but I don’t want him to do to me those things he does to his enemies. I already have someone whom I’m comfortable cuddling with as we welcome the first few rays of the morning sunshine. Yes. I already have someone. But no,at first I was partly sad becuse he’s not my boyfriend. You are not my boyfriend. You were supposed to be my gay best friend.

10
I know, stupid to think na pumatol ako sa pustahan pero alam mo yung kung hindi dahil sa pagpupush ng pustahan ay magkakalapit tayo. You took me by surprise. I just woke up one day and did not only realize that I already have someone, a best friend, a gay best friend. I woke up one day and realize that I am falling in love with you. And I knew I wouldn’t be able to undo this. I wouldn’t be able to look at you as just my gay best friend.I wouldn’t be able to handle the fact that I’m just your BESTFRIEND.

11.
And that, I don’t even know what to call this situation anymore. A straight girl falling in love with her gay best friend. I’m giving you a both eyebrows up and a blank look in the eyes right now. To be honest, I really have no idea. Blank. Empty. But then again, maybe love isn’t about the gender or the sex. Maybe love is simply about two people. Period.

And you prove it right. The sudden moment I felt that you cared for me that much as the time I was hospitalized. The way you cried thinking I was gone. That moment that you were being teased by our friend and you were like a shy highschool boy. That all made my heart jumps into joy. That I couldn't believe you felt the same way. You let me realize how much you love me as the way you gave me the galaxy, because I was your only star. You were like the creamer in my coffee. You gave me sweetness. Or like a comb in my hair. You fixed my messy life.

But unfortunately, I thoug we'd last. Kung ako lang I wanna grow old with you Vice. Kaya lang things doeant go my way. Pero nalaman mo amg tungkol sa pustahan. I knew you'll be mad and of course hurt. Badly hurt. I was expecting that. I hate me that much and I deserve it.
I know you have another mushroom-like someone in your life right now. And this is supposed to be nothing new to me. But I want you to know that I don’t want you to be a coward anymore. And that I sincerely don’t want you to get hurt anymore.  I am talking as the bestest friend you’ll ever have.

12

You deserve that kind of genuine happiness you thought you don’t deserve. If his every text message paints a smile on your face, if his presence reverses your bad day, if each of his touch allows you to acknowledge not only his company but most especially yourself as well, if the way he manifests his love for you does not take yourself away from yourself completely, if he brings out the best in you, if he allows you to be the worst version of yourself and still accepts you, if he devoid your dream of being lonely for the rest of your life, LIKE I DID BEFORE. Think it twice or a thousand times. Because I knew Terrence differently. And he will never give him my points of approval. He is cheating to you. I got pictures to prove it.

13
Anyway, I am writing this letter just to acknowledge the funny fact that I don’t want you to see me fall apart. And, in the words of a broken heart, I know it’s just emotion that’s taking me over. That I’m caught up in sorrow, lost in this song. In this cliché that I just want you to be happy. I’ll be fine. Yes. I will. Don’t worry. Trust me. I’m used to this. Don’t mind me because I will always love you secretly.

Kurba.