Of Sinners and Saints

-Part 2-

I come close to running directly into her back, but manage to stop in time to avoid collision.  My eyes follow her gaze towards the group gathering on the front lawn. 

I watch them setting up tables and just enjoying each others company. I instantly recognise them as her church volunteer group. 

I shift my eyes to study Kimbers face and notice the panic and worry written in the lines forming on her forehead. 

"Jessie, I'm so sorry, I forgot I'm supposed to meet up with them right after class." She says, fumbling with her bag.

 Masking the little pang of jealousy I feel, I say with a smile that doesn't quite reach my eyes, "Oh, that's no problem, I'll pick you up a muffin and leave it on your desk back at the dorm."

"Actually, I'll probably just pick up breakfast with them once we finish setting up." She retorts, already backing away from me. 

I wrap my arms around myself in an attempt to conceal my irrational jealousy in her other friends. After all I'm still the one rooming with her. 

"Okay, well more for me," I say quietly to the empty air in front of me where she used to be. 

I watch her approach them and take note of the way her presence lights up everyone's face. 

The collective mood of the group across the field warms in greeting of her arrival, whilst I stand there in the suffocating cold of her absence. 

Deciding to continue my walk to the cafe, I drag my feet in the soil until they hit concrete. 

I look up to see the door of the cafe and realize I was lost in my thoughts the whole walk there. 

I place my earbuds in my ears, as I have no desire for anyone talk to me. Socializing is not my strong suit. 

Kimber is usually the one who orders at restaurants or asks questions for me in class. Sometimes I swear I need her to just function in modern society. 

How she is so extraverted, I will never understand.

She had wanted me to join her church group to be with her to do events and volunteering and such but I took too long to fill out the application.

It's not really my cup of tea anyway. 

Although if I had known how much she'd be away from me maybe I would have made more of an effort to join. 

She happens to be the only human I ever care to be around so when shes away I never know what to do with myself.

I decide to sit down at one of the corner tables in the cafe as it's the farthest away from other people.

I take out my computer and immerse myself in homework for my advanced math class. 

While my brain begins to swirl with x's and y's, square roots and exponents, all the sudden I see someone sit down across from me and I jump.

I look up to see it's Jocelyn, one of Kimbers friends who is tolerable to be around and thankfully always nice to me. 

Jocelyn works at the cafe part time and I make a mental reminder not to come here alone anymore. 

I reluctantly take my earbuds out of my ears and show her a smile, not letting on how uncomfortable one on one encounters make me. 

She slides a muffin towards me, and says with a genuine looking smile, "Hey Jessie! I noticed you're here alone and didn't have anything to eat so I thought I'd bring you a little something."

"Oh, yeah Kimbers volunteering today," I say adjusting my seat, "she's right out there if you wanted to talk to her.." 

"Yeah, I don't think I'll bother her when she's volunteering, I can just talk to you instead." She remarks,  obviously not picking up on my subtle hints.

"I mean, sure but I'm kinda..." I trail off gesturing to my open computer in front of me.

"Oh! I'm bothering you, I'm so sorry." She says, failing to conceal the hurt in her eyes. "My breaks almost over anyway so," 

A sharp pain of guilt hits me right in the stomach. She was just being friendly and I'm pushing her away just like with everyone but a select few.

 She stands up and begins to walk away when she spins around and tells me, gesturing at the muffin, "And that's paid for, just so you know." 

I smile but before I get a chance to thank her she disappears behind the counter. 

I feel a mixture of guilt and embarrassment. Without Kimber there as a buffer, individual conversations always leave me feeling horrible, stupid and worthless. 

I overthink every syllable that passes my lips. 

I cannot comprehend how people like Kimber can be so carefree and how she always knows exactly what to say in order to relieve tension and get everyone to laugh. 

No matter how long or how well I know her, I will never be able to capture the air of beautiful mystery she embodies. 

I can only hope that, eventually some of her wonderous personality will manage to rub off on me. 

This ones a little short but let me know what you guys think of Jessie in this chapter, I kinda love how overdramatic she is with her thoughts about Kimber :p
- Anna