Of Sinners and Saints

-Part 4-

"Honey?" 

I open one eye to see Kimber looking at me with concerned eyes. 

For just a second, her holding me in her arms and feeling the closeness of her laying next to me, I feel happy. 

Just then all the memories come flooding back and I feel dirty and embarrassed. 

Unable to meet her eyes, I sigh and stand up, "I'm going to take a shower."

"No, you shouldn't take a shower, we have to go talk to someone." Kimber says, standing up as well and placing a hand on my arm.

"No, we don't. It's not that big of a deal." I say shaking her hand off. I don't want anyone touching me. 

"Jessie.." she trails off with her voice full of concern. 

"I don't need your pity, Kimber, I'm dealing with it." I say but my resolve is slowly slipping. 

I know she cares about me and that's why she wants to talk to someone but without Nicholas I have no one. 

And he loves me, or at least, he says he does. 

Maybe I love him too. I don't know. 

I probably do, after all he's the only one whos ever loved me.

Sometimes his temper or desires get the best of him but he always makes up for it. Last time he brought me flowers and the time before that he took me to a musical. 

Talking to someone would ruin his reputation. 

Kimber, senses the thoughts running through my mind and sighs, "Listen Jessie, what he's doing? That's not ok. That's not ok at all and there is no excuse for it. I can see the gears in your brain turning and trying to find an answer but there isn't one. Some men out there are just assholes and there's nothing you can do to change them. But you can stop him from hurting you or anyone else ever again. All you need to do is talk to someone. And I'm gonna be there for you every step of the way. I've been here for you since kindergarten and that's not going to change."

Without warning she raises her arms and I feel this intense sense of panic and flinch away. 

She backs off instantly with a little bit of hurt in her eyes. 

My eyes shift down to the floor as they fill with tears. "I'm sorry," I whisper.  

"Can I hug you?" she asks in a small voice and I nod. 

Her arms come up slower this time and wrap around my back.  

My body melts into hers and I feel safe, as if no one in the world could hurt me.

Tentatively wrapping my arms around her waist, I manage a small smile.

She starts to comb my hair with her fingers and I tuck my head into her neck. 

We stay like that for a while until she whispers, "Are you ready to come talk to someone?" 

Giving conflicting nonverbal cues, I nod my head but tighten my arms to pull her in closer to me.

I feel her laugh slightly and she hugs me tighter for a second and then starts to gently pull away. 

Having no choice but to let her go, I do and begin to bring my arms up around my stomach. 

She slides her hand in mine, gives it a little squeeze and says "I'll be here with you the whole time." 

* * *

We leave the counselors office, still hand in hand. 

She made me go over the basics of what happened but once she realized what the situation was, she told me I was excused from classes for the next week and to tell the police what happened. 

We walk over to Kimbers car and she has to let go of my hand in order to open the door. 

The absence of her hand is cold and all I want to do is have her hand back in order for it to ground me.

I get in with a sigh, still not having been able to shower. 

As she's driving us over the the police station I realize I haven't eaten since the little nibble of muffin I had back at the cafe with Jocelyn. 

God, that feels so long ago... 

The glowing numbers on her dashboard read 3:43 and I realize that was only a meer 7 hours ago. 

I notice the turn for McDonalds coming up and ask Kimber if we could get something to eat before we get to the police office. 

She has an uncertain look on her face and tells me that we can get something as soon as we finish up with the police. 

"You shouldn't eat anything until they have a chance to check you out.."

Sighing, I watch the turn speed forward and disappear in a flash. 

One of her hands slips off the steering wheel to grab my hand and she gives me an apologetic smile. 

Her hand in mine more than makes up for the lack of food in my stomach.

I'm not sure I could keep it down with the fast approaching police visit, anyway. 

In a desperate attempt to keep my mind off of it, I study her face while she drives. 

The threw her hair up into a messy ponytail before we left and I notice small strands coming out from the sides. 

I have this urge to tuck them behind her ear but I don't want to disturb her while shes driving. 

I take in the slight rose colored tint on her cheeks and the tiny shine of chapstick on her lips. 

Just the thought of her using one of mine, as per usual, brings a little blush to my cheeks.  

I am so captivated by the way she bites her lip every time she has to turn, I don't even notice when she pulls up to the police office. 

Let me know what yall think so far :)