Of Sinners and Saints

-Part 7-

I lie awake at night, captivated by Kimbers steady breathing on the other side of the room. 

My mind refusing to fall silent as her words continue to gnaw at my head. 

Instead of entertaining the millions of questions I cannot hope to have answers for, I find another way to occupy my mind. 

As I roll over, restlessly, I begin to study the empty pillow inches away from my head. 

My mind begins to wander and I picture her laying there, asleep.

Managing to create her likeness in astonishing detail, I can see every flawless future. 

From the slight twitching of her eyelashes resting on her cheek to the peaks of her cupids bow. 

I note the way her hair encroaches on her cheekbone, and have the sudden urge to brush it out so I can fully appreciate the unsullied perfection of the woman next to me. 

Suddenly the image in front of me disappears into the empty air it has always been.

I slowly reach my hand out to touch the cold air where she had never been. 

My hand feels nothing but the disenchanting cloth of my pillowcase. 

Nothing had changed except in my imaginative mind and yet, I long for my wistful vision to be realized. 

But, it can never be, so why do I choose to entertain these flawed thoughts?

As they must be flawed, simply a concoction of misplaced desire and an undignified ache. 

I close my eyes, in a futile attempt to find sleep and incase myself in a different kind of darkness.

This one is welcome as I allow it to suffocate all the stray thoughts clattering around my head. 

* * *

Sitting in the booth at our favorite italian place, Kimber and I are chatting about nothing. 

I am not really paying attention to what shes saying, I just enjoy being around her. 

"You're not even listening to me are you?" Kimbers voice pulls me out of my thoughts. 

My face heats up at getting caught and my eyes unconsciously shift down to the table in front of me. 

Realizing I'm avoiding eye contact, I force myself to look at her again. 

Instead of the anger and disappointment I expected to see in her face, I see a slight amused glitter in her eye. 

"What're you thinking about?" She asks.

"Uh.." I begin, furiously trying to think up some excuse when I hear a phone ring.  

The light from my phone steals my attention. 

Thank god, a valid excuse to evade her question.

"I have to take this." I say, plastering a smile on my face. I stand up to walk away from the booth and notice the number on the screen. 

I don't usually answer unknown numbers but I need more time to find some way to answer Kimbers question. 

I slide the green circle over to the right and raise my phone up to my ear.