like real people do./ arvin russell

2.1

"breaking news tonight: the small town of coal creek mourns the loss of a beloved lenora laferty..."

the church was colder than it normally was, and my body felt heavier but weaker than normal. i couldn't look anyone in the eyes. only keeping my focus on henry, who bounced up and down in arvins lap, not a clue of what had happened.

"sources say that lenora was going out of town with her fiancé thomas neer for a little get away when things took a turn for the worse.."

arvin wouldn't move, it was hard to even get him out of bed this morning, but he knew he had too. henry of course babbled and wanted to know why arvin was so upset, but he was just a baby, he couldn't understand.

"thomas neer, former pastor at a local church in coal creek was found on a highway, almost 50 miles away from where lenora was murdered. when police had arrived, they pronounced the young girl dead at the scene, neer is now faced with life in prison.."

i couldn't feel anything, i was so numb to all of this to where i didn't know how to act, i couldn't cry, couldn't scream, couldn't sob, couldn't stop any of it from happening. so, i just sat, looking at the floor in front of me, my mind slowly giving up on me.

"the former preachers fiancé and teacher who changed many lives in coal creek is being celebrated by all through west virgina, being an inspiration to most. we send prayers and love to family members and all who were struck by this heartache."

when the ceremony had ended, and arvin was done with his speech and saying goodbye to lenora, he walked up to me and kissed my head, telling me he'd be in the car with henry whenever i was ready, but i didn't know if i'd ever be ready to move on, knowing the only person i had left was arvin...

but i got up anyways, making my way to her casket, it was closed. the russells didn't want everyone to see what had happened to her, i knew arvin had to go and identify her, grandma russell was too weak and uncle erskil had passed away a few months prior, i didn't want arvin to go, i didn't want to believe it was all true, but he i stood at my best friends casket.

"hey lenora...oh gosh...i'm so sorry, i knew i should have told you to not go, i could have kept you safe, made you breakfast and henry could have his momma with him...i know i said i was ready to be a momma when you first got pregnant but i ain't ready for all this, i'm not ready to let you go and i'm not ready to leave you, i'm not ready to forget about you and harry and even momma and daddy...i'm not ready to take care of henry and have him around for more than just one weekend, i'm not ready for arvin to be a daddy or for him to go back to active duty, i'm not ready to start a new year without you or harry again...i'm not ready lenora i just ain't and i'm sorry. i want to be strong and make you proud and keep living for you but i don't know if i can at this point. you were my best friend, we did everything together since we were practically babies and now i'm talking to a casket...your casket...you were supposed to be here for it all...for henry's first birthday, for mine and arvins wedding, for your 21st birthday, for your own wedding and goddamnit, lenora you were supposed to just be here, no matter what and now you're not...just give me the strength to move on please...i can't do this anymore..."

i didn't know if i was talking to lenora or god, but it didn't matter, i was sobbing, knees going weak and falling to the floor, my loud sobs took over the silence of the church, the bright and sunny day turning cloudy as my sobs got louder.

"g-god why!"

i heard the church doors open, the footsteps stopped when they saw me, like they were in shock. i just kept going.

"you've taken everything f-from me!"

the footsteps raced to me quickly as i curled up into a ball, i memorized the footsteps from childhood, the same ones that danced to music in our kitchen, the same ones that walked away from me to go to war, the ones that would walk with me down and isle. arvin.

he sat down behind me, not wasting a second to turn me around and pull me into him, my sobs muffled by his chest, he still held henry, not wanting to let him go, and we all cried. holding onto each other as the rain started to poor.

henry didn't understand it all, his tiny heart probably shattering at all of the emotion and noise, my sobs continuing, like they would never stop, as if they would be the death of me.

arvin cried, but silently, trying to hide his tears to stay strong for us, his arms tightening around us with every tear that dropped from his eyes, it felt like we'd never leave the church.

"she was s-supposed to be h-here..."

now, it was arvins turn to sob, the noise breaking my heart into thousands of pieces...the rain poured down even harder, almost setting the mood perfectly...this is not how i expected everything to turn out to be like.

"i-i'm sorry doll.."

but he didn't need to be...he didn't cause all of this, he didn't kill and innocent girl, he didn't take away my best friend or leave me with nothing but her child and the what if of me telling her to get help, i should have told her to get help or done something. i could have helped her.

"im so sorry..."

...
A/N:

two more chapters left...