Tonight ✅

G

When this night passes---

***

       “ Jagiya~~” His voice soothed the pain that I am feeling a while back. I've already applied  make up to cover the dark circles on my eyes and my pale lips.

        I smile to hide the pain on my stomach and back. “My worldwide handsome~” I giggled as I say those cheesy line, the words I am saying to make him smile, and I didn't fail. I saw him smiling while staring at me. When he sent me a message earlier that he want to see me on screen, I've already prepared myself though, I am in pain.

        “Have you eaten?” I nod to him. While holding back the pain and tears that wants to come out.

        “Are you okay? Why are you still on your make up in the middle of the night?”
        
        My mind wanders to the things that's bothering me right now. I'm stuck between telling him the truth and making him worry about me or just keep my secret until the day I left the world. It may be worst.

        “Y/N? Yeobo?” I snapped out from what I am thinking when Jin called me. I smiled to him. “I am okay Jagi~  I got lazy to erase my makeup after work”

         “You should take care of your beautiful face, erase it, I'll be waiting”. My eyes went wide as soon as I heard what he said. “I-It's o-okay, I will erase it later after our call. I want to be more beautiful when you see me”

          I heard his laugh and guilt came rushing through me. “Jagi~ you're beautiful even though without makeup, you will always be beautiful in my eyes until we both grow old together”

          How could I let him think that we are going to grow old together? How could I make him smile and laugh and feel love when someday I will leave him behind?

          “I will tell you how's my life here at U.S, it's near lunch here and it's already night there. We are preparing for our world tour concert, we're here at the backstage but other members isn't here because-----”

           I didn't listen to what his saying anymore, I just focus on his perfect face while talking to me and sharing what is happening on him. A tear fell on my cheek as I saw his smile, the way he talk, the way he laughed, the way--- everything about him.

           I brushed off the tears on my cheeks when he noticed that I am crying. “Jagiya? What's wrong? Why are you crying?”

            I closed my eyes as I shake my head. “Nothing. I-I just miss you so m-much” I can't hold it back anymore. I let the tears flow on my cheeks as I stare at him.

           I want to see him just this once. I want to familiarize his face that even though I close my eyes I still can see it. “Ohh please! Don't make me see it. I want to fly right now and hug you. Please don't cry. Don't worry after this world tour, we have one week vacation and I am going to spend that one week vacation with you”

           Instead of being comfortable on what he say, I became more emotional. I even don't know if he still can spend that one week with me. I feel like I can't take it anymore.

           “Jagi~~ please. Don't cry, you know I hate it when you're crying. Hmm? Ahhh!! Jinjja I wish I was there”. I look at him and smile, this is one of the reason why I don't want to tell him about my situation. He will set aside those things just for me, and I don't want him to do that. I don't want to be the reason why he can't do those things that he usually do. I don't want him to choose me, instead of continuing his dreams, and I don't want to be a burden.

            “It's okay. Sorry Jagiya~ It's just that I really miss you so much that's why I cried. That's how much I love you” I fake my smile and make it even more brighter than I usually do. For him to know that I am already okay. “You know that I love you more Jagiya” he wink at the camera that made me laugh.

             “Aigooo~ my wink will just be the one who can make you laugh like that, should I wink again?”

             We both laugh on his statement.

             And that laugh is one of the things that will made me remind of him.
   
              And we spend the whole night just laughing and smiling to each other.

~

     It's been two days since Jin called me. It's been passed my bed time but I can't fall asleep. My situation is getting worst each day despite of the treatment that the doctors are doing.

     I get up on my bed and walk through my table and grab a pen and a clean white paper. I open the slide door of my terrace and sit at one of the chairs here.

     I make sure that I can see the moon while writing down the things that I wanted to write and say to Jin. I wanted to tell it to him personally but I can't. I can't stand to see his reaction. It feels like I am going to die instantly when I saw it.

    I put down the pen and fold the paper into three as I stare at the moon. I'm sorry Jin...

    That's what all I say as I close my eyes and for the last time, feel the cold breeze at night....