Tonight ✅

T

When this night passes
I’m afraid that I’ll be left alone

***

They say people come and go into our lives.

Some will stay...

But..

Some will leave...

But then again, those who leave will instill a lesson on our hearts and will leave footprint and scar of memories...

-

I am looking at the blue sky while walking towards the entrance of the cemetery. The green grass and summer breeze makes my heart warm. It's summer already. Her favorite season of the year. I am holding a basket of flower that I quickly place beside her as soon as I arrive at her tomb, the cool breeze welcome me and it feels like Y/N is here and is hugging me.

6 months had past, it's already July.

I should be preparing for my proposal to her, but she's not here anymore...

For the past month it's been such the darkest days of my life. I admit that up until now, I still miss her, I still love her, I still want her.

I sigh before sitting beside her. A little tear stream on my face, and I didn't mind to brush it off. What for? I am so used to cry whenever I remember her.

Her smile..

Her eyes...

Her laugh...

Everything about her...

I miss all of it..

I miss her existence and her presence...

“Jagiya” I said while looking at the wide green field. I just only say one word but I can feel my eyes are getting wet, my sight becoming blurry. As memories with her came rushing through my mind. How I wish I can still hug her, give her kisses, and I hope she's still here with me.

“I'm sorry, I know you don't want to see me crying” one tear, two tears, until I found myself crying again.

I don't care if I look so weak because of this, I don't care if I am a man and I am crying in public places, I don't care if it is for her.

“I'm really sorry, I'm sorry that I am not on your side when you need me the most”

I look down on where her name engraved, I touch it and I trace her name written on it.

“I am sorry t-that I didn't have a c-chance to take care of you. I am sorry that you need to go through those pain and worries because of me”

“I should supposed to be taking care of you, I should never leave your side. I-I r-regret that I didn't have more moments with you.”

“If I just know, If I just know that you are sick, I should spend more time with you, I should give you more kisses and a lot of hug”

For the past month, for the days and nights had passed. There's no time that I didn't regret those times that got wasted for the both of us.

“I have so many dreams for us Jagiya, you're the one I imagine being my wife and the mom of my kids”

“But maybe, I need to let go all of this feeling. I don't want to make it hard for you too in the next life. I hope you're doing good my love, I hope you're already happy there and you're not feeling anymore pain”

I wipe all the tears on my face and before I forgot I search the thing that I keep hiding since the day she left. The thing that I am afraid to open and read, because I can't accept the fact that she's gone already, that she left the world and all the people who love her including me.