currently it was friday night, 12:38 am
theres a thunderstorm out side at the moment
and right now im currently overthinking, crying, and holding a handfull of pills
and you might be wondering, what the hell are you doing?
well first let me introduce myself, my names jordan, im 13, ive been diagnosed with a few mental disorders, and my main one is depression, funny right?
right now my mind is going crazy, as usual
this is all so overwhelming
all the pressure of trying to make everyone happy
and if you do something wrong they are disappointed in you
dont believe them
they hate you
they never loved you
go ahead take the pills your better off
they wont care if you killed yourself
it can take the pain away
they lied to you
if they cared about you they would be here right now
dont go calling them theyll give you pity
dont go crying to her, shell stop you
youre fine, just do it
never once did they love you
why would anyone love you
your worthless
pathetic
selfless
youre a disappointment
hard to love
stupid
ugly
fat
weird
annoying
waste of space
not good enough
troubled kid
disgusting
just do it
take the pills they wont care
i cant do this anymore
as i was about to just say fuck it and take the pills, i thought of her, her smile, her eyes, how when she sees me her smile gets even bigger, how she takes time for me.
and then i thought about our memories together
theyre all fake stop it
she doesnt like you she lied to you
she is just friends with you because she has too
she feels sorry for you
she actually hates you
she doesnt love you
youll never get her the way you want her
she doesnt like you one bit
stop thinking of her and take the pills dumbass!
i thought about whenever we would spend time together
how we could always talk about anything together
i thought about how she would react if i did it
she wouldnt care one bit
she would cry for joy that youre finally gone
shell finally be free from you
i cant do this anymore
375 words
YOU ARE READING
i cant do this anymore
Randomtw:self-harm, language, depression, and mental illnesses. also includes lgbtq+ wrote this instead of actually doing it lowercase intended
