i cant do this anymore

-chapter 3-

i thought about writing one for skylar but it wasnt worth it and i started feeling terrible so i knew i would be gone soon.

i didnt just do this to be selfish, this is helping so many people cause they dont need me, theyll finally be free from me.

i was just sitting in the middle of my bedroom on the floor, with listen before i go by billie eilish quietly playing in the background.

i was bored and my stomach started hurting more so i started singing the lyrics to distract myself from the pain

"im not okay, i feel so scattered

dont say im all that matters

leave me

dej-" my voice cracked and tears started rolling down my cheeks and flowing onto the carpet floor.

i stopped trying to hold in my tears and i finally let go, i felt my body slowly draining itself so i got up, very slowly because i felt light headed. then i laid on my bed and ignored the pain in my body and focused on the music playing which was now playing ocean eyes

you really know how to make me cry

when you give me those ocean eyes, im scared

ive never fallen from quite this high

fallin' into your ocean eyes

those ocean eyes

i heard a click indicating that a new song was coming on and then i heard the intro to i miss you, im sorry by nctrn

Do you remember happy together?

I do, don't you?

Then all of a sudden, you're sick to your stomach

Is that still true?

You said, "Forever, " in the end I fought it

Please be honest, are we better for it?

Thought you'd hate me, but instead you called

And said, "I miss you"

I caught it

Good to each other, give it the summer

I knew, you too

But I only saw you once in December

I'm still confused

You said, "Forever, " and I almost bought it

I miss fighting in your old apartment

Breaking dishes when you're disappointed

I still love you, I promise

Nothing happened in the way I wanted

Every corner of this house is haunted

And I know you said that we're not talking

But I miss you, I'm sorry

I don't wanna go, think I'll make it worse

Everything I know brings me back to us

I don't wanna go, we've been here before

Everywhere I go leads me back to you

(You said, "Forever, " and I almost bought it)

I don't wanna go, think I'll make it worse

(I miss fighting in your old apartment)

Everything I know brings me back to us

(Breaking dishes when you're disappointed)

I don't wanna go, we've been here before

(I still love you, I promise)

Everywhere I go leads me back to you

(Nothing happened in the way I wanted)

I don't wanna go, think I'll make it worse

(Every corner of this house is haunted)

Everything I know brings me back to us

(And I know you said that we're not talking)

I don't wanna go, we've been here before

(But I miss you)

Everywhere I go leads me back to you

I don't wanna go, think I'll make it worse

Everything I know brings me back to us

I don't wanna go, we've been here before

Everywhere I go leads me back to you

i started to close my eyes once the song finished, letting one last tear fall

the last thing i heard was but when i wake up, i see. you with me

596 words