i cant do this anymore

-chapter 2-

i cant do this anymore

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its been a bit, its about 1:20 am now

its still pouring which is great

i look down in my lap to see that my hands are shaking and some of the pills have fallen in my lap

i bring my hand up to m mouth and swallow half of the pills, yes i know, i took them dry leave me alone

i take the rest including the ones that have fell, making sure that i get every single one

i think i took about 50 pills? i dont know but it was a lot

those should work in about an hour

so that gives me a bit of time to write some letters or something i guess

"god im such a fuck up bro." i sighed and hiccupped

i manned up and wiped my eyes and got up and grabbed a few papers that had been thrown on my desk a few days ago

dear whoever finds this,

you know, i would say im sorry, but im not... im sorry if youre hurt, but you probably arent. but im not sorry for doing this. it was my last choice. dont think this is your fault cause trust me its not. but when you find this, you can not save me. im done for. and thats a good thing. its okay if you had no idea i was going through this but thats okay because no one did. um, im pretty sure i know who will find this so whoever does, you can keep whatever you want. i dont care anymore. i couldnt keep living this pain. it was to much. i know you probably thought i was getting better, and i thought i was too... but i guess we were both wrong. oh and with skylar (the girl i thought of), give her my phone for me, she will know what to do with it. also give her one of my guitars to her, the one she likes. she can also have whatever she wants. oh dont forget to give her one of my hoodies, make sure its the one i wear a lot thats her favorite one. i know you probably tried your best to make me happy, but im sorry, you wasted your time. oh and i know saying this will make you curious, but DO NOT look at my arms k? i know yall never really cared about me ya know? i kinda always knew. i believed yall most of the time but now it just all seems fake now. i shouldve done this a while ago, i probably wouldnt have gone through a lot more than now. and yeah thats selfish, but oh well.

im sorry if you had to find me like this, but this was the only way and i couldnt live like this anymore.

love, jordan

480 words