Fallen Love

Chapter 4

River

Back home, Alioth tried to immediately stay true to his promise over the next few days but he was really struggling. I promised not to go anywhere without telling him and he told me he would try and refrain from following me everywhere as long as he is sure wherever I go is safe.

It's not like there are enemies nearby anyway. We are in Imperial Territory, it's our home. Alioth doesn't trust anyone at all even though the pack members here are loyal friends. When I learned of his past, he never denied it which eased my worries about him favoring his first mate over me.

I know it's only right I open up to him and tell him the truth about my own past, but I don't want him to see me any differently. How could he not? I've killed many people and betrayed the only friend I had in the institute. Surely, he would lash out at me in disgust or abandon me here to return to his home planet. The thought made me want to cry.

I was breathing heavily as Alioth was underneath the sheets, his head between my legs, a position he's been in many times before. I wasn't exactly sure why I was holding back from just sleeping with him already. I mainly think it's because I'll feel guilty if I do. Having sex with him will make me incredibly happy but I don't deserve to be happy, not truly. I can pretend to be for as long as I need but it won't be enough. Alioth at least deserves to know the truth before we take that next step, it's the least I could give him.

My friends face from the institute suddenly invaded my mind and I closed my eyes tightly, pushing Alioth away from me. He backed away standing up, observing me with confusion. He was always more than happy to satisfy me and I him, but more often than not my past haunts me and I find it harder to keep it away from him.

"What's wrong?" His face was filled with worry as he walked over to me slowly, crouching down at the side of the bed, bringing my face closer to his.

I shook my head, praying that he understands once I tell him the dark truth of my past. It won't be pretty, he'll detest me. I sat up slowly while Alioth pulled one of his shirts over my head to cover me so I can speak with him without being a distraction to him.

"Please, tell me." He urged, getting on the bed, pulling me into his lap. I clutched him tightly, pressing my face into him so I didn't need to see his face when I told him but he was having none of it. He pulled me back panicking when he saw the tears in my eyes.

"River-"

"I need to tell you about something that I did. Something terrible." I whispered to him. He looked surprised but said nothing further to interrupt me. I need to get this off my chest so I know for sure that I'm who he wants.

I sucked in a shaky breath, "In the institute, I wasn't as happy as I appear to be. I was always sad, depressed, lonely and more than anything I just wished for it all to be over. I was certain that the next time I fought someone I would let them kill me so they can end it."

His eyes were angry but he didn't say anything, he only pulled me tighter against him.

"I was so sure death was what I wanted but then as I walked into the ring ready to hand over my life, I saw her."

"Who?"

I smiled lightly, "Her name was Aleah. She was so happy and for some reason when I saw her smiling at me, something in me switched. I wanted to get to know her, to ask how she does it in a place like that, but I knew I wouldn't get any answers if I was dead, so I fought and I killed my opponent. It was easy, it always was."

"Is that what this is about? That girl gave you your life back, she saved you. The things you did were to protect yourself, I am not angry with you. Your friend was honorable, I'm thankful to her." He admitted with a smile, his dark flawless skin stretched when he smiled but I only frowned. He thankful to Aleah, he knows she saved me but I didn't do the same, suddenly telling him the rest was the most terrifying thing I could ever think about.