An angel and her demons.

8. YOU LEFT ME!

We were sat on the ledge of the roof, hand in hand, watching the sunrise.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there to protect you baby." Nate whispered into my ear. I moved closer towards him pand resented my bruised face on his shoulder. "You're here now though." I kissed his cheek.

"You don't deserve this. Please, move in with me. Leave your mom and Zach. Come with me" he begged. "I wish I could, I really do. I just don't want to disappoint my mom. I just want her to be proud and love me." My voice began to crack.

"Why doesn't she love me?" I cried into his shoulder. "I don't know baby, I don't know." He stoked my hair.

"Why doesn't she want me, what did I do?" the tears fell, I could feel his tears too.

Me and Nate had an unspoken rule, if one of us was sad so was the other. He soothed me and calmed me.

By the time the new sun rose, I felt better. My tears had dried, and I had stopped thinking about my mom as much.

"I will always be here for you, I promise." He whispered.

Sat on the top of the roof of our mansion I was watching the sunset. "You promised." I mumbled.

I just keep recalling that in a blink of an eye the boy that had made me smile the hardest and laugh until I couldn't breathe and told me that I was perfect...left.

He left me.

He said he would always be there, but where is he now?

He promised that he would be here... always and forever. He didn't even give me an opportunity to help him, he just gave up and left. I feel like I should be so mad that he gave up on himself... gave up on us. But I can't. I know I will see him again. I should be mad that he broke his oath to be by my side, but I'm not. I should be mad that he wouldn't, couldn't let me help him but I'm not. I knew he was broken, that he was on borrowed time.

I am just grateful for those 5 years and now I look at the sky, knowing in my heart that he is at peace. That he is happy.

Glancing up towards the mottled skyline, "The sky has never been so pretty now you're there Nathaniel." I whispered.

"Happy Birthday my love. I miss you with all my soul and I wish you were here with me. I can feel that you have found peace, and that gives me a sense of peace too. I thought you might like to know that I found my brothers again, I finally am back. I want them to love and care for me. And I think they do... I just am scared; I don't want to lose them like I lost everyone else. I wish you could give me your advice." I spoke to the stars.

"I have begun to understand that I am stuck in an almost, you almost lived. We almost were happy. We almost ran away together. I am almost ok with my brothers. I almost stopped hurting. Everything would have been okay, if it wasn't for almost. I hate the almost." I pulled my hands through my hair, struggling to hold myself together. Once again I was breaking, and I felt alone. I just need his hugs.

I looked back towards the stars, staring at the constellations I lay back against the roof,

"You know I never realized how deeply in love I was until I was utterly consumed by the darkness that lurked as you left me that day. I always knew I loved you, but I never understood the extent of it... not until I didn't have it."

I was sat in my room, pen in hand as I drew across the page. Blissfully calm I drew for hours and hours.

When I was finally done I saw flashed on my phone 3 missed calls from MYLOVE and 1 voicemail from MYLOVE. I smiled, excited to show him my new drawings, which I was very proud of.

I clicked on the voicemail, that's when my world stopped.

"Hey baby. I'm not doing so well. I don't think I can cope much longer. It's too hard, it hurts too much. For the longest time you were my only reason to keep going, I wanted to keep going for you. Because I love you with my undying soul. But now, I need to do what is best for me, I need to go. Please let me go. I'm sorry my love but I need to go...

Remember though, my darling, as the sun sets, it also rises; so, my love for you will forever be endless. Please keep going, you were always stronger than me and you will prove that again. You own my heart... until we meet again my Charlotte Emilia Valentina Blaze."

I dropped my phone and raced through the front door ignoring my mom's yelling.

I ran. I ran as fast as my body could carry me until I reached his house.

I stormed through the front door and stumbled up the stairs. I felt I was moving in slow motion as I knocked over vases and tripped towards his bedroom door.

I saw him lying there in a pool of crimson.

I grabbed him and pulled him towards me.

He was still there; god had given me one more moment. One moment to say my goodbye. That one moment I will cherish.

I pulled him into my chest, rocking him back and forth as silent tears cascaded down my face.

"Someone once told me the world was a beautiful place, I didn't believe them until I saw you. You are my world, and you are so beautiful." He stuttered his words. "I broke my promise princess" he chuckled as blood began to come out of his mouth.

"Baby, You promised you wouldn't leave me... you promised, but if it is what you want. If it is what you need. Then leave. It's okay. I love you Nathaniel Blaze, you own my heart...forever until I die." he smiled and raised his hand to my cheek, gazing across from me, refusing to make eye contact, but I kept my eyes on him. For as long as he is here, I will never look away. "There are angels in the room" he whispered softly. "It's okay go with them, I will see you soon my love", I replied, crying and smiling. His gaze shifted back to me and he lifted his hand to caress my cheek, "So beautiful." I kissed his forehead and he began to drift. I nodded and smiled, he smiled back and closed his eyes for the final time.

He closed his eyes, and I felt the life drain from him, I held him the way i always did while he was in pain to comfort him, but this time... it was the last time he'd ever feel pain... he died in my arms.

And there it was, right before me, the end of my existence as the man I loved ever since that first moment I saw him in the park at the age of ten years old, lay in my arms, asleep... for eternity.

"Nate." I begged, hoping for an answer but when he didn't reply I began to panick "Nate." I pleaded again as waterfalls raced down my face. "Nathaniel Blaze. This isn't funny. Wake up." I croaked, I knew he was never going to wake.

I knew I would never feel his warmth, hear his laughs, taste his lips, smell his cologne.

He was gone.

He had finally gotten his happy ending he was waiting for even though he was lying on the floor without a heartbeat, he was happy somewhere and in that instant my world wasn't quite destroyed but it was gone, he was gone, that's when it hit me, and my heart was shattered.

The whites of my eyes turn red whenever I cry, which make my blue iris glow in a splitter of depth colour, as if blue eyes were created for suffering. My tears had left my eyes, as if the world itself was crying with me. After all, I only had myself now. I had become acquainted with the infinite loneliness.

I opened my eyes and looked back towards the stars, "I still listen to that voicemail." I chuckled.

"I think I want to tell my brothers, tell them everything. From the moment I left Italy to the moment I arrived in New York... I don't know but I feel it may help, it may help me begin to find closure." I sighed, "I have really nothing more to lose at this point. I suppose if I lost my brothers I would be forever destroyed, but at least then I would have no reason to not join you up there" I gave off a small laugh "I will see you again Nate, just wait a little whilst longer, I'm going to try and fight, and I want to win this time."