The Adventures of River Song (Vol. 1)

Promises

'You don't want me to lie to you Doctor?! FINE!' River burst out, the volcano of emotion she had tried to keep hidden finally overflowing. Her calm demeanor fading, River stepped back from the bars, crossing her arms tightly and clenching her fists. She narrowed her eyes and sneered in contempt.

'Do you have any idea how long I've been waiting for you; how long since I last saw you?!' River yelled, letting go of all composure. Her cheeks flamed red (and not because of the blush she'd put on earlier in the morning). She stared anticipatingly at the Doctor's dumbfounded face. River let out a sigh, shaking her head in resignation as she walked back to her prison bed. She flopped down on the tattered sheets and covered her face in carefully manicured hands, 'Would you like to know how long I've been waiting?' she didn't wait for an answer. 'Ten years. I've been waiting for you for ten whole years.' River smacked the stone bed she sat on, the 'bang' echoing along the halls.

'River I swear I had no idea that it had been ten years for you; I swear on both my hearts,' the Doctor said, locking eyes with his wife. 'And I know this doesn't help — like at all — but I've met with your future self multiple times while, er, while you've been waiting for me...'

'Are you kidding me? Does it look like I CARE? I'm not talking about my future self am I? I'm talking about me RIGHT NOW and right now I haven't seen your stupid face for TEN YEARS! Does that mean NOTHING to you?!' River growled, her pupils widening in shock at the Doctors comment and her arms falling to her sides, fists still clenched.

'I thought I knew you, Doctor, I really thought I did. Now when I think about it though — and I've had lots of time to think — I never really knew you, did I? My whole life training to become your perfect psychopath wasted, because no matter how much I was told or how much I would learn, I could — would — never truly know you: the real you. I've had ten years to lament about that, it's a long time, don't you think? But you wouldn't understand that, would you? Thinking about someone so much and for so long,' River agonised, her heart shattering.

'I waited here, in this cage — an animal — for ten years, Doctor. Do you have any idea what that feels like? Do you have any idea how much it tortures you?! You have no idea what it's like to be left behind — forgotten. You prance around, saving lives and rescuing planets, never sparing a thought to those whose lives you've destroyed. It's all about you and your stupid ego! You're so self-righteous! Has it never occurred to you, Doctor, that there are people who have trusted you — loved you even — only to have been left behind. You destroy lives and the fact that you can't even admit it, proves to me exactly who you are. How can you be a doctor, when you can't even take care of those you love? What's the point? You think you help people, Doctor, but do you really?' River shouted savagely, bitterness in every word. She paused to take a few moments to gather her thoughts and catch her breath. 'You think you're such a great man, but guess what? You're NOT! I've been through hell and back these past years, but you wouldn't know that, because you weren't here! And, why weren't you here? Because you were off doing whatever the hell you wanted to do. But me? I—I was being tortured, questioned, manipulated! I was being ripped apart, and you didn't even KNOW. I am full of scars and it HURTS, it hurts so, so much. Everything hurts. But nothing has ever — could ever — hurt more than being abandoned by you Doctor: nothing.' Her eyes welling with tears, she stopped. A quiet rage filled her every muscle. Her body was tense; her mind distraught. Hands clutching at her bedsheets, creasing the flattened covers.

'Did you spare me a thought? Did you even remember me? Or am I another pawn on your narcissistic chessboard? You fake your death, you use me as your scapegoat, and then you ditch me in this godawful place. I'm serving 12,000 consecutive life sentences for your MURDER! Have you ever been locked up for killing the one you love, Doctor? My entire life ruined, all because of you. You promised to come back for me — you promised you wouldn't leave me to face it alone — well, look where that's got me. But this experience has taught me something too. The Doctor lies. I didn't believe it at first. How could this selfless, kind man lie? But don't worry, I learnt quickly that it was true. You do lie, very well too.' Rivers' words were laced with poison and she glared dangerously at her husband, waiting for him to speak. Lips trembling and shoulders drooping, she shrunk into herself, her back arching slowly as she lowered her head onto her lap.

'I love you Doctor and you don't love me back... you just forget about me. Do I really mean that little to you? Am I really just nothing?' River sobbed into her lap, the fury coursing through her fading, replaced by humanity's most dangerous weapon: fear. Tears dripping down her hot cheeks, the grey of her coveralls growing darker with every drop, 'If what I say is true then please, just promise me one thing: please, don't ever forget about me.'

River looked up, and noticed that the Doctor had pressed himself to the bars, his face solemn and his lips without a sound to utter. Her eyes were glazed with a vengeful sadness and her lower lip trembled aggressively. She stood up again, her arms crossed as she walked towards the Doctor. She stood only inches from his face; she could see her husband's eyes flash with pain and a bit of her relished in the idea that the Doctor was suffering: just like she was. River had expected a reaction by now, but still he stood there, silent and tormented, eyes flicking between her and the cold floor. The silence in the room was practically palpable. 'Say something! ANYTHING! I pour myself out to you and the only thing you can do is stand there?!' River yelled, her head snapping back up to stare challengingly at the Doctor; her heart cracking as he stood there silently.

'I—I... River I...' the Doctor said, his hand shaking as he reached it through the bars and towards his wife. 'I—I...' he faltered, searching for the right words. 'River, there aren't enough words — there aren't ANY words — to express how sorry I am. And there is nothing I could ever say or do that would make it up to you,' he whispered, looking up at River, his stomach churning with anguish at what he'd caused her, he wished so badly that he could stop all of this heartache and heartbreak. 'I had no idea that ten years had passed for you River... wibbly wobbly timey wimey stuff am I right?' he lowered his head again, 'I never meant to leave you alone for so long... I—I wanted to be with you—I wanted to be there for you, and I'm really sorry that I missed out on all of it, but I'm here now, I'm not going anywhere and I promise you River...' He smiled cautiously as he felt River take his hand in her own. Leaning forward, his face almost touching the cell bars, he whispered his promise into River's ear.

Rivers' eyes lit up: big and beautiful. Her heart was warm and full; she could feel the cracks in her soul begin to heal: slowly, of course, very slowly in fact, but still. That immense feeling of, of... she couldn't explain it, but whatever that feeling was, it filled her now, deep and well, full of love. Her cheeks flushed a rosy red. Her mouth twitched, trying to hide her surprise. Lifting her eyebrows, a smirk fashioning itself from her broken smile; she leaned forward, his lips were only inches from her own.

'Spoilers...' she whispered quietly, the bitterness in her voice dwindling.