𝑩𝒊𝒍𝒍𝒊𝒆 𝑩𝒐𝒔𝒔𝒂 𝑵𝒐𝒗𝒂- 𝑩.𝑬

•I'm Here•

⚠️TW: description of panic/anxiety attacks⚠️

Jess
I layed awake in my bed overthinking basically everything. Billie has been extremely distant recently and I wondered if it was something I did or something I said to her.

I started replaying everything that's happened within the past month that could have made her like this.

I felt my heartbeat increase, my hands beginning to shake signaling an attack was coming on. As I sat up out of bed I started to walk around our room shaking out my hands and wiggling my fingertips to try and get them to stop shaking. Though that didn't help shake the overthinking thoughts swarming through my head.

"She's falling out of love with you."

"She doesn't find you attractive anymore."

"She's cheating on you."

"She finds you annoying."

"You're too clingy."

"She's going to leave you."

The thoughts echoed in my head. I tangled my fingers into my hair in frustration. I didn't want to wake Billie up at the risk of her being upset but I wanted nothing more for her to just hold me.

Before I knew it I was running to our bathroom shutting the door behind me and dropping to my knees hunched over clutching my chest.

A sob escaped my throat and once that one fell it was practically impossible for me to stop. I clamped a hand over my mouth trying to be as quiet as possible but I felt like I was falling apart. The air around me started to feel thin and I couldn't get enough into my lungs. My heart pounded against my chest and I could feel it in my ears making my head feel dizzy. I fell completely to the floor, my hands forming into fists around my chest as I tried to breathe correctly.

I heard the sound of footsteps and the sound of the door opening made me flinch and place a hand over my ear. I felt Billie's hands on my shoulders making me let out a fragile whimper as I curled up into a ball.

I almost couldn't hear her gentle and calm voice through the ringing in my ears.
"Hey, it's alright, I'm right here baby, what's going on? Did you have another nightmare?"

I choked out a strained "N-no" as I felt her place her hands on my body.

"You're shaking really bad sweetheart. Listen I need you to sit up for me so I can hold you okay?"

I managed to push my shaking body off the ground and I instantly felt her pull me into her embrace. Feeling her place her hand on my chest.

"God your hearts beating harder than usual, love. Baby I need you to tell me what happened."

"I-I just started overthinking everything." I choked out. My strained gasps turning into short and strained coughs as I desperately tried to get air into my lungs.

"Alright, it's okay, you're gonna be fine. We're gonna get you through this. Can you feel my breathing love?"

"Y-yeah b-but you're gonna th-think I'm stupid." I sobbed out, my hands going to bunch up her shirt as I curled up to her body. Trying to be as close to her as possible. "You're gonna think I'm-I'm annoying and then you're gonna leave me and I-I'll be alone again a-and-"