Outer Banks Imagines

Rafe- "Its my first step to not caring what he thinks" (part 2)

Description; Part 2 to the previous one.
Warnings; swearing

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Light entered through the semi-opened curtains lighting up half my room, the half my bed was on. I threw my arm over my eyes protecting them from the light trying to shift my body but a weight on my chest preventing me.  I slowly removed my arm from my face allowing my eyes to adjust to the light change before looking down. Rafe's head on my chest, an arm over my waist. I examined his face all the stress and pressure put on him was gone. He was at peace. Part of me wanted to wake him up but I didn't want to ruin that peace. I lowered my arm running my fingers gently through his now messy hair that had been impeccable the night before. I twirled a strand of his hair delicately between my fingers. I couldn't help but admire the boy.

After a few more minutes of doing this, I finally pulled my gaze away looking over at my bedside table and my phone. With my other hand, I stretched reaching for the phone. I pulled the phone towards me still connected to the charger. As soon as I turned the phone to look at me the screen lit up showing my notifications. I had a few from Instagram, three messages from Kie and two from JJ. I unlocked my phone reading JJ's messages first. The first one was a reminder of how stupid and reckless I had been, the second asking if they were going to see me today. I didn't respond but clicked off the messages and went onto Kie's. The first one was from last night asking if I was okay but I hadn't seen it. The second was one was her telling me off for not responding and having to ask JJ instead. The third was from this morning or precisely half-hour ago. It simple read
From: Kie
You better be up. I'm picking
you up at 12:30 then we're going
to John B's.

I exited the messages checking the time, 11:30. I had an hour, that was plenty of time I reassured myself again looking down back at the sleeping boy. I'll check my Instagram then wake him, I excused. I clicked onto Instagram and then onto the notifications, the top ones were likes and comments on my previous post of me and Kie from last night. The one underneath was a tag. I clicked on it and it leads to a video on a random Kooks account. The video was of me and JJ emerging from the water. The caption read 'leave it to a couple of Pogues to ruin the night'. I clicked on the comments already visualising the comments. What I visualised was correct, a bunch of kooks agreeing, some asking what we were even doing on the boat. I swear the thought of all kooks being the same popped into my head but I quickly reminded myself that wasn't true, the boy sleeping wasn't the same, or he wasn't to me. I clicked home, the background picture of Kie, Pope and me. I locked my phone, a picture of John B, JJ and I appeared. I wished that one of these pictures could be of Rafe and me but it wasn't possible. Again I looked at the boy slowly running my fingers through his hair before looking up at the ceiling.

The half-hour passed quickly and I was now faced with the task of waking Rafe. I slowly trailed my fingers from his hair down his neck tracing.
"Rafe" I carried on trailing my fingers moving across his back. "Rafe" I dragged out his name, this time Rafe made a noise showing signs that he was awake. "You have to go"  I watched as Rafe moved turning his head to look up at me. A confused, sweet look on his face. Strands of hair coming down his face. I couldn't help but smile.
"Why?" He mumbled closing his eyes again more strands of hair falling into his vision.
"Because Kiara's going to be here in half-hour" Rafe grumbled as he sat up a little rubbing a hand on his face. He pushed the strands of hair out of his face.
"What time is it?" Again he rubbed his eyes, looking from me to my phone waiting for me to respond.
"twelve" I responded shifting to sit up as well.
"Shit" Rafe mumbled moving to the edge of the bed and quickly getting up, grabbing the shirt he wore last night from the floor. I watched as he fastened the buttons up, only realising that he had messed up halfway.
"Let me help" I got off the bed walking to the boy. I unbuttoned the messed-up ones before starting again. I finally finished placing my hands on his shoulder and straitening the collar. "what's wrong? I don't think Kie's that scary" I joked looking up at the boy who didn't seem to find it that funny.
"My parents are going to realise I'm not there, my dad's going to realise. I'm going to come back home in the clothes I wore last night" I removed my hands from his shoulders taking a step back. I looked at the boy.
"Okay and?" I shrugged looking off the side I didn't see the problem.
"They're going to wonder where I was" Rafe responded to me, I turned to look back at him.
"So just tell them you stayed the night at your girlfriends." I looked down at the floor not wanting to see the boys reaction.
"Yeah right" The boy scoffed, I quickly looked back up. "I can just hear my dad now"
"What happened to not caring what he thinks" I repeated the words that Rafe had said the previous night.
"Yeah that was about not returning to the party, not this" He signalled between the two of us. I crossed my arms across my chest in defence. I thought he was ready to take that step, to somewhat admit he had a girlfriend. He boy looked around the room grabbing his shoes before sitting on the edge of the bed. I thought we'd move past this, I thought it would be different but that's just me being stupid. Nothing with Rafe Cameron would be different. I didn't say anything I just walked over the window, the window the previous night Rafe had climbed through angry and worried. I pulled the other side of the curtain open, this grabbing Rafe's attention. "Are you seriously angry?" I turned to look at the boy again crossing my arms as I had previously done leaning against the wall. "What did you expect? That I would just tell my parents, my dad, hey I'm dating a Pogue, oh yeah the one that jumped into the water the previous night" Rafe scoffed shaking his head slipping on his other shoe. "I mean come on, would you tell JJ and John B about us?" I bite the inside of my cheek walking across the room and towards the bedroom door. "would you? no, I didn't think so" and just like that, I flipped.
"You know I would!" I turned to the boy all the anger that had been building up came out. "The real reason I hadn't is because of you!" I took a step forwards stopping myself. "You're so scared of what everyone thinks of you, what your dad thinks of you. Yeah John B and JJ would be pissed but they get over it, they're my best friends but I don't let what they think about me dictate my life!" My nails dug into my arms that were still crossed. Rafe didn't say anything he just stared down at the floor. Silence now falling over the room. Everything about the boy angered me at the moment, it was as if last night and this morning hadn't happened. God, I was so stupid, how could I let myself believe him, believe what he said. I was just Rafe's secret, did he even ever want people to know we were dating. Was it his plan to always keep us a secret? Did he even care how I felt about everything? How was I now only realising that this isn't what I wanted, I didn't want to be a secret. I didn't want to hide it. I didn't want to lie to my friends, my best friends, my own family. This isn't what I wanted, I didn't want a hidden relationship. Yes, I loved Rafe, even if I hadn't said it to him but I didn't know if I could keep doing this.