Harry styles imagines

18. Real?

I could feel everything.

It's weird how you could change so quickly for someone who just passed through your life. But she didn't just pass, no, she wandered aimlessly through my life not knowing where she was going until she found herself tangled by the branches and strings of my heart.

She didn't complain, she felt safe, protected. She felt warm and fuzzy. She was happy being trapped, she was floating like a beautiful white cloud swimming through the sky lonely but so heavenly.

On the other hand, I wasn't, I got scared and gripped her too hard, tied her till bruises formed on her arms, choked her till she couldn't breath, hardened my branches until they got harmful, grown thrones that dug deeply into her tender skin, making her bleed without me noticing.

I regret it, I regret every word I hurt her with, I regret every time I pushed her away, I regret every time I took a drink and turned my back to her I regret every time I laid my filthy hands on her.

I wish I died before I had done any of those, I wish I had no hands and no mouth so that I couldn't do what I've done, I wished I was different. But no matter how much you pray, or how much you wish from all of your heart to take whatever you said back it might never happen not in a million years.

I wished and prayed that day that she would come through that door glowing, beaming like she usually is and kiss me till i can't breath and then stare right through my eyes and tell me how much I mean to her. But it was a beautiful fantasy that I could do anything in the world to have it again.

To have her again.

And I was trying, I was going to be better for her, I was going to be perfect for her. I was going to do everything and anything to have her back.

And it was her condition, the only condition that I was suffering with right now. I remember how she said it.

How her lips trembled and her eyes blinked, as her tears slipped away breaking down in front of me, because of me. I wish I could take back what I said, what I did, I wished for the ground to break. But I knew it wasn't going to happen she was leaving me for good, not for her own well being but for our.

"...I'm never coming back Harry, until until you change! Until you get back to bring you not..not the monster you've become! You don't remember how you were Harry, you're goddamn it horrible!" Her voice was soft and shaky, sobs were leaking from her beautiful kissable lips, her knees giving out as she fell on the floor sobbing her eyes out, everything in me was screaming at me for leaving her like that, for making her like that, but my demons was saluting me and keeping me frozen in my place. I didn't react I didn't breath I just looked at her an unbothered expression on my face, I remember how she reacted when she looked up at me, her eyes held that fear that made me want to cry and kick myself in the balls, her eyebrows growing with sadness as her shaking lips let go of a heartbreaking sob.

She left that day and I convinced myself I didn't need her, that she didn't matter to me, with the amount alcohol I was consuming I couldn't feel myself, the times I threw my medications away because I thought they do me no good. I was wrong the whole time and she was right, I was losing myself and I didn't know it, until she left, and with her left the remaining me.

After a while of living in a haze of not knowing where I was half the time or what was I even doing, until one day it hit me like a truck full of other trucks carrying another vehicles that contained shit inside that I couldn't breath I was suffocating, literally suffocating and I couldn't see or hear anything besides her even through she wasn't there, I passed out then and when I opened my eyes I found myself in a hospital bed, dressed in that ugly white hideous thing that a dozen people died in, right then and there I knew I needed to change I needed to be better not only for me but for her to. I needed to become my best so I could be worthy for her.

And that's where I was sitting in my work office drinking my coffee that had zero sugar in it, so bitter on my tongue, the feeling of the warm cup touching my lips, How my hands warmed with the warm texture. My body feeling trapped in a suit but happy in doing its job I could hear, feel my heart pump through my ears, I could feel my ears warming up and Turing pink, I could smell the leather of the couches in my office, I could hear the chatter of the people Down the corridor, the elevator dinging.

It was such a weird feeling that I've never felt before but it was good I was being good I was happy I was better for me because of her.

.—.

"I'm so proud of you baby!" Her beautiful body was in a ravishing flawy dress. Her arms around my neck as her nose brushed mine I could feel it, I could feel her nose touching mine, I could feel her cinnamon breath on my face, the cold feeling when her breath touches my face, I could feel her weight on my legs as she kissed me so surprisingly, so blissfully, I've been waiting for so long, her lips tasted like cinnamon and cherries, her lips were so soft so full..

"Harry!"