Once Again [Unedited]

- 5 -

Days and weeks turned into months and months. Then those months sped by and soon enough it was nearing college entrance exams.

I was aiming for Princeton University, a university miles and miles away from my small hometown.

The farther the better.

I did a lot of face-time studying with the rest of the crew and by studying I mean Julie questioning me on some past exam questions, Dahlia reading some new romance manga she found online and Zachary just zoning all of us out and occasionally taking part in the conversation to say one or two words.

Still it was nice to have the company and I could see how much they cared.

It was all worth it in the end for later on I was accepted into Princeton.

It's now Summer break, only a month left till I will be moving thousands of miles away.

To a new state and to start a new page.

I should be excited but instead of happiness...I feel...down?

It's cause everything in this place reminds you of her. Just admit you don't want to let go.

I would be lying if I said I was completely over Rae. I am not...

Deciding to get over her and actually being over her are two different things. One is easy for its a decision and the other is difficult for its actually doing it.

At the moment, I'm stuck at level 2, "Doing the decision".

I let myself fall unto my bed and I rolled on to my side facing directly to my alarm clock which said 3:29 am.

I sighed and rolled back on to my back, now staring at the white ceiling above me.

Mom.

I'll miss her when I leave...

It's sad to say but no matter how much she has hurt me, there is just no way I can find a spot in my already broken heart to even store hatred towards her.

We werent always this way. Even after dad died we still managed to find happiness in just being with each other. I just had to screw it up by being a homo.

I can still see her face of disgust clear in my head.

.....

"Girls, I made dinner so if you guys are ready to eat you sho-" said my mom as she opened the door to my room.

I was sitting half naked on Rae's lap. Her head was deep into my neck spreading kisses from my collarbone to my jaw.

We heard a gasp leave the front door and I immediately pushed myself off Rae and turned around to see my mother, wide eyed.

Her eyes were fill with shock and disgust. It was a 2 in 1.

"Mom-" I said my voice cracking as I saw her clench her hands in a fist, shaking.

"Get out"

"Aunty-" started Rae.

"GET OUT!" screamed my mom. Her eyes were on the floor. She was refusing to look at me.

I started to feel the tears slide down my cheeks as I took up my shirt off the floor and put it on then rushed downstairs and out the door.

I could hear Rae's footsteps trailing behind me.

After walking a bit down the street, I felt myself collapse on the sidewalk as I continued to cry and scream and cry again.

I felt a warm pair of hands wrap around me. "Don't cry Fay. Please I'm begging. It hurts me to see you cry"

"B-but," I said in between tears. "She hates me now. She hates me Rae. She hates me!"

"You know she doesn't hate you Fay. Aunty could never hate you okay," she whispered as she nuzzled her face into my neck and hugged me tighter.

I continued to cry in her embrace.

.....

After that, my relationship with my mom went to crumbles. Soon after, my relationship with the only father figure I had left in my life, became nonexistent.

There was no longer any love in that house. It's like all the love left with me when I ran outside after my mother told me to get out.

I tried talking to my mother since that day but she would either ignore me, or if I'm lucky enough, the conversations would end in one word.

I sighed once again and sat up on the bed.

I really dont want to leave here without atleast talking to my Mom. It doesnt sit right with me that it will all end this way.

Even if she hates me, I just want to talk to her. Atleast once before I leave to college.

Suddenly, I heard a low thud coming from downstairs.

I got up from my bed and walked down the hall, then I peeked down the stairs while stooping on one of the old wood steps, being extra careful not to make it creek.

The lights were on and I could peek a shadow coming from the kitchen.

I let out what must've been my third or fourth sigh of the morning.

It might just be my drunk stepdad as usual.

I was about to get up but then I saw the shadow leave the kitchen.

My eyes opened up in surprise at the sight of the person.

Mom?

I would've never thought she was the kind of person to be up this late since she takes her sleep time very seriously because of her job.

I watched as she walked from the kitchen and into the living room. She had a mug of what seemed to be water in her hand. I couldnt distinguish what was in the other hand but it seemed to be a small container.

Fay this is your chance to talk to her without the disturbance of the drunkard.

Before I could even think it through, I felt myself get up from my position and walk down the stairs.

I saw my mom's face quickly turned to me as she quickly hid the small container into the pocket of her sweatpants.

"Hi mom," I said as I started to pick my fingers. "Could we talk for a bit?"