Once Again [Unedited]

- 6 -

"Could we talk for a bit?"

She looked at me for a few seconds before nodding her head.

Ok that wasnt as bad as I thought.

I sat beside her on the couch.

After a few minutes I decided that I should end the awkwardness and talk first.

"How are you?" she asked softly, startling me.

I actually never expected her to talk first so my answer was delayed for a few seconds.

Once I got over my shock, I answered her.

"Oh I'm good. Yeah I'm fine," I said as I continued to pick the skin off my fingers.

"That's good," she said as she took a sip of her water.

"You were accepted into Princeton University right? That's good," she said with her eyes still fixed on the grey mug in her hand.

"Yeah. I even graduated from high school," I said with my head down.

"I know that already," she replied.

"Well I wouldn't know since you didn't come to the ceremony..." I said underneath my breath.

At that comment she turned her head and looked towards me.

After a few seconds her lips parted, "Fayna I'm sorry."

I didnt give a response.

"Mom about what happened that day-"

"It's fine," she said before taking another gulp of water. "I was overreacting anyways."

"You might be disappointed or even hate me," I started. "But before I leave I at least wanted to talk to you one more time."

She was quiet for a while. Then she spoke once again.

"I regret how I behaved then," she took her eyes off her mug and looked me in my eyes. The first she has ever done in months.

"I shouldn't have treated you like that. It was immature. I'm sorry Fayna," she said her eyes beaming with a sense of authenticity.

I felt myself go quiet as tears started to fill my eyes. "I thought you hated me."

Her eyes went wider before going back to their normal size. "I could never hate you Fayna."

"Well you behaved like it," I bit back feeling myself become overwhelmed with what felt like sadness...? Anger? Probably a combination of both.

She flinched at the tone of my voice. "Fay-"

"It's because I'm a dyke right? Just say it," I said to her.

"Fayna-"

"Just say it. It's fine," I told her once again.

"FAYNA IM SORRY!" she screamed. She was shaking and tears were now in her eyes.

"I- I just needed time to understand and accept it," she said at her normal voice level.

"IT'S BEEN MONTHS!" I shouted back. I promised myself I would be more composed but I just couldn't.

"YOU SHUT ME OUT FOR MONTHS! MONTHS- I WAS BY MYSELF FOR MONTHS! YOU DIDNT EVEN COME TO MY GRADUATION!" I screamed feeling the tears fall down my cheeks.

I lifted my head towards her, "You couldn't even attend your own daughter's graduation."

"I- I wanted to bu-," she was shaking as she said this and her eyes were filled with guilt.

"But nothing," I stood up and turned my back towards her. "Before I leave for college I just wanted to talk to you. Even if there was a chance you might still hate me I just wanted to talk to you one last time. Because you are my mom."

Before I could walk off she grabbed onto my hand. "Fay I'm sorry. I know you might not forgive me but I really am. I- I no longer care that you are gay. It doesn't matter."

I gave her a small smile then removed her hand from mine before walking upstairs.

Before reaching the top of the staircase I stopped and looked at her, "Go to bed Mom and remember to take your pills properly."

Her eyes went a little wide when she heard me then her eyes dropped to her lap.

After that I headed back to my room.