pretend || tsukikage

Chapter 6

The weather were windy. The sounds of birds chirping were very clear. The sky was still in darker color. Most of people would already woken up at this time. They will do the morning routine before going out to work, school. Everyone would love to finish all of their duties faster so they can spend time with their beloved ones.

The setter were about to go to his morning practice but his father came home when he was about to head out, drunk. The father was in unstable state.  The setter hurriedly ran towards the door before his father can catch up with him and start beating the shit out of him.

He continue to run until he thinks it was safe to just walk. He stopped mid-way to the school so he can breathe. He breath heavily before start walking.

He looks around, admiring the scenery. He could see the sunrise starting to rise. It's peaceful. He always wanted this kind of thing happen on his busy life.

He have always been admiring everything around him, not the people, but the things around.

He joined the other who were already starting to warm up.

He always admired smile that peppered people's faces. It's not that he can't smile sincerely, it's just that it's hard to smile like that when he remembers all the awful things.

He mentally thanks that he doesn't got any nightmare yesterday. He would always get nightmare since the day his junior high team abandoned him. Now, his mother start to beat him out of hatred and not because her bipolar disorder. He would get nightmare almost every day, it's starting to make him hearing more and more awful things in his head.

The voices in his head is trying to make him, hurting himself. He would always find something to distract himself, like doing his homework, texting with his teammates, hearing music. Yes, you could make music as an escape from the world, from the cruel reality.

One time, he let the voices take control of himself. He still remember how the fresh cut feel. The feelings of satisfied. Even if it makes him feel a little bit better, he can't let the voices control him ever again.

He will never ever let it control him.

-----

"Everyone, gather around!" Coach Ukai said. They all gather.

"As you know, the pre-qualified match is near. So we're going to the training camp this weekend, until next weekend." Takeda-sensei said.

Everyone was fired up, the setter too. Sensei and the coach said everything they wanted to say, before going home. The setter hurriedly run to the clubroom to change, he doesn't want anyone to see his scars and bruises. He scared if people judge him without knowing anything.

He went out from the clubroom and start walking to the near park to take some fresh air. Afterwards, he went home.

Thankfully, no one was home. He doesn't need to get beaten up today. He changed his clothes, went to the kitchen to cook something. It's not like he can taste the food like how it used to taste, he just think that, if he doesn't eat anything he will faint. Then, he can't go to practice and more likely to get more beaten than usual because he would be staying home.

After eating, he went upstairs to his bedroom. Doing anything that can distract him from hearing the voices in his head.

'If only I never gave birth to you.'

'I know I should give in the abortion when I have time.'

Mother..

'You will always be the king.'

Teammates..

'Selfish.'

My old teammates..

'Faggot.'

'Disgusting.'

'I hate you.'

Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. STOP DAMN IT!

Its hurt, please make it stop.