How You Love To Hate me

CHAPTER 32

''Isn't it too hot to be wearing a jumper when it's almost summer?" I ask Hyunjin as we sit on the grass looking out at the Han River.

"What? So you want me to be topless? I don't think you want that Lisa." He says with a smirk. "I didn't tell you to like full-on strip, maybe you could just wear a top on? God, you're so extra," I say as I laugh. "Hey-""FUCK." Hyunjin says as he starts coughing on his ramen, spitting it back in the bowl. "THAT BURNS." He coughs dramatically, being the typical drama queen he is.I feel like over the past few months we've become so much more comfortable with each other. Hyunjin's very sassy, dramatic and genuinely the loudest boy I've met. He's easily funny, and over the past few weeks, we've been out a lot more together. Let me just say, karaoke with Hyunjin was an experience. He makes me laugh so much I'm pretty much left in tears. When he looks back up, his eyes are watering. "Stupid ramen." He mutters. He turns to look at me and I watch as the smile on his face slowly disappears. "W-why are you looking at me like that for?" He asks confused. "Looking at you like what?" I ask confused. Hyunjin. I still can't believe I'm going out with him after what happened. I don't know what I'd do if he found out. "You look sad."I'm sad because whenever I see him, I think of Jungkook. I think of what would happen if Jungkook was here instead of Hyunjin. Which is so wrong, especially after what he did to me. All I do is think of him. I can't stop thinking about him.Jungkook. "Why are you going out with me?" I ask a question that's been playing on my mind for quite a while now. He shifts closer. "Why wouldn't I? I like you.. a lot. Isn't that how dating works?" I'm surprised by the sudden confession, but I don't stop asking questions. "You've never dated a girl right? Why are you dating me?" I ask. "Because I like you Lisa." He says almost annoyed and I drop the subject. "Did something happen with one of your exes or...?" He asks. "He cheated on me, but it's not that even big, we were barely dating, you probably know him," I say."Who was it?" He asks."Yoongi. Min Yoongi." I say. He looks at me wide-eyed. "He's part of the soccer team, right? I've seen him a few time." He pouts. "He was pretty chill though." "It's not his fault like I said we weren't even properly dating," I say. "Do you have a brother?" He asks."Manoban Youngjae?" I nod. "He's good too.""You're good, too.""I'm not that-""You're like better than Jungkook, and he wins in like everything," I say. "You're fricking amazing." And as I take a peek at Hyunjin, I can see him hiding a smile. We continue talking just talking about random things, and as I do, I forget everything about Jungkook. Everything that happened between us and I lose myself in the conversation, laughing at how extra this boy can be.Hyunjin makes me feel one thing and one thing only. Happiness. Jungkook, makes me feel so many different emotions, sadness, happiness, confusion, anger. And that's when I realize. I don't want to lose him. I can't lose Hyunjin.

***

"Lisa are you not hungry?""Uh.. I've already eaten," I say"Uh, no you haven't," Jin says annoyed. "I have-""You haven't eaten lunch in a week!" He's right, for some reason I've just not been in the mood to eat, especially at school. "Just because you haven't seen me-" Jin slams down his bag onto the table and the entire table stares at us as Jin walks away, Jungkook has a somewhat guilty expression on his face and I can guess why. And that's the only reason why I eat. Because of Jungkook. Jin appears five minutes later, throwing me a sandwich and some strawberry milk. He doesn't even look at me as he sits down. The rest of the table is silent as we eat. Nobody says anything. And it's because of me. I've been in such a bad mood the past few days that they're too scared to say anything, in case I get 'triggered'. It's like they're scared of me and I don't want them to feel that. Jungkook and I haven't spoken in a week. Practically everyone knows about the 'bet', even if they don't know if it's true or not. And I need it to stay like that. I don't know what would happen if anyone finds out what I did. How I always made it clear I would never do anything with him and practically lost all my self-dignity in less than a few minutes. Because I was too stupid to realize. And it scared me. How I had such little self-control around him. "Hey, Lisa." I look up to see Namjoon a juice bottle in his hand talking to me. And I already feel everyone's eyes on me. "-Huh?" I say snapping out of my daydream. "You didn't come last week." I hear the entire hall quieten a bit. God, why is everyone so nosy? When he sees my confused expression he continues, "I was waiting at the library, for two hours." He says, his voice calm, why isn't he annoyed? "I forgot... you could've called me," I say. "I did, you didn't pick up." Oh. "We could do it this week... at lunch?" I say, better for all of us anyway, no one has to put up with me then. Namjoon looks hesitant as he speaks, "I want to eat at lunch though?" "I'll pay," I say, anything to move away from Jungkook. "When do you want to-?""Today." I say as I pack my lunch and books. Namjoon looks at me confused before saying, "Uh.. okay then we start today?"I don't think I've ever walked out of the dinner hall faster.