TAMING HAZEL

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

                           Hazel's POV
The Doctor told me my baby was a boy, just as Klaus and I had speculated and that he was very handsome. I wanted to see him, I wanted to hold him in my arms and kiss him. That's what every mother wants to do with her newborn baby but I couldn't do that because I didn't want to change my mind about giving the child to Klaus. I didn't want to have any connection with him. Klaus and his entire family have been at my place to beg me but I sent them away. I want nothing to do with them and since Klaus has need hyping about the baby I just decided to let him have our son, besides he'll raise him better I will. Klaus loves his son to bits and I trust that he'll give him nothing but the best life. In my present state I don't think I can handle the responsibility of raising a child. I'm still very bitter about my past and I don't think having a baby around me is a very good idea. I just want to be alone.

My phone rings for the umpteenth time and don't need to check before I know it's Klaus. He has been calling non-stop and I'm tired of sending his calls to voicemail. I pick up the phone and swipe the green icon as I press it against my ear.

"Yes Klaus"

"I'm at the door"

"The hell!, what are you doing here?"

"Just open the door" I hang up and rush downstairs where I open the door and see a very devastated Klaus standing by the porch. He looks very stressed out and wave of guilt flows through my body. He must be having a hard time looking after the baby.

"What brings you here?"

"Can I please come in?"

"Yeah"

We both walk into the living room and I can't help but pray that he hasn't come to beg me again because I will refuse and it kills me to reject him every time. It just breaks me totally.

Deep down in my heart I want to be with him, I want us to live and raise our son together but that can't happen because of my bitter past. No matter how hard I try I can't seem to forget my past and move on.

"Kyle cries all night, everyday. No matter how much we pamper him he doesn't stop, hardly drinks his milk, we are running out of ways to look after him. We've been to the hospital three times this week" He explains as tears spill down his cheek.

This is exactly what I don't like.

"Klaus please stop already"

"He keeps getting sick and I know it's because his mother is not around him. He needs you Hazel , I can't help but feel that I'm going to loose him"

"Will you stop talking nonsense?" I say trying to keep my voice from croaking. "Nothing is going to happen to Kyle okay, every baby falls ill and eventually gets well. He's not going to die because his mother is not by his side. There are hundreds of children out there whose mother's died if not at childbirth but when they were still very tender and those babies survived, Kyle will not be an exception. He's going to survive and grow up" I retort trying very hard to prevent the tears shimmering in my eyes from spilling. I hate myself for doing this to both of them. The thought of loosing my son breaks me completely. I would go crazy if something bad happens to Kyle. I might have given him away but that doesn't mean I don't love him. I'm still his mother and love him very much!.

"You care so much about him then why don't you just come home and look after him?. Alright then I won't bring up relationship issues. I will stay clear of your path just come and look after our baby, please Hazel, Kyle needs you"

"He doesn't, he'll be fine without me. You have to leave now"

"Hazel please" He pleads as he goes down on his knees and holds my feet
"If not for the sake of anyone else, do it for the sake of our son . Do you want me to bring him over here?, I will, you can live with him but please don't deprive that innocent baby from experiencing mother's love and attention please Hazel, I'm begging you." He says sobbing hard. I've never seen Klaus this heart broken before. All I say is pain in his eyes and that's when I realize that ever since I got into his life, I've caused him nothing but pain and sorrow.

I've never given him what  want he wants. He has shown me love from all angles , he has cared for me but I've never reciprocated any of those feelings. I know I'm probably the most selfish girl in the universe but I'm not going to take any chances. You can never know what a man is made of until you're caught up in his trap. My mother is not alive today because she was fooled by a man's charms  and that man was my father. There's no way I'm ever going to make that same mistake. I'm never going to be fooled by any man, not even the father of my child who is kneeling before me.

"Klaus" I call as I urge him to stand up and he does. " There's no need crying and kneeling and begging because I'm not going to change my mind. You can take care of your son, I know that"

"Hazel, you're still not going to come?"

"No I won't" I answer painfully

"Alright then, do as you wish but Kyle and I are never giving up on you. We will wait for you to change your mind even if it takes forever. We love you mummy and we always will" He kisses my forehead and walks out of the house.

I fall on my feet and weep bitterly. He just called me mummy, Klaus is always hitting that nerve, he knows how to emotionally blackmail me. I wish I could just drop dead right now because it's too much to handle. I feel guilty for abandoning my son when he needs me the most.

I feel guilty for continuously tossing Klaus' love in the trash. There's this part of me that just wants to go over to his house  and be the best wife and mother ever but another part keeps forbidding me from doing that. The most confusing thing is that I don't even know which part is misleading me, I don't know which part to follow. I'm just stuck in the middle, miserable and frustrated.

Why is my soul doing this to me?