The Brothers [MULTI, crack-ish]

Malice Aforethought

Inspired by GabxLuci2796 on ao3.

"Love?" Voldemort called, looking at his tea in confusion.
Harry hummed in response, peeking in from the doorway.
"Did you poison my tea?" Tom asked, raising an eyebrow at his partner.
Harry blinked. "I thought we were past this? Is this because of last week? Because you can't-"
Tom interrupted, "We are. We were, at least, before someone put poison in my tea."
Voldemort received a glare in response, causing him to pale. Hell hath no fury like a Harry scorned.
"Thomas Marvolo Riddle," Harry growled, "I do not know who poisoned you, but it wasn't me. And until you believe me, you can sleep on the couch."
With that, Harry turned and fled the room, leaving Tom with his poisoned tea. Voldemort gulped before glowering at the tea. "This is all your fault."
Later that evening, Tom reclined on the sofa, when suddenly he had an epiphany. It must have been that blasted muggle from last week. Harry's 'brother', Walt or something. Upon having this realisation, Tom formed a plan. But first, he must get back into his partner's good graces.
Four days later, Tom had finally earned Harry's forgiveness. Unbeknownst to his partner, Voldemort had an ulterior motive. Once he regained Harry's trust, Voldemort was able to snag his partner's horrible muggle phone. After a short struggle with the device, Tom found what he was looking for: the address of Harry's brother. The contact picture helped, as the man was apparently called 'Will', not 'Walt', and he wasn't labelled as a Potter. Smirking, Tom placed Harry's phone where it had been, after closing his partner's 'apps'.
—
"Will, dearest," Hannibal called from the kitchen, studying an altered collection of wine.
His husband was currently renovating Hannibal's backyard, for his pack. Thankfully he hadn't gotten back outside yet when Hannibal summoned him. The psychiatrist didn't wish to make a trek outside to the muddy, tool-and-wood-filled backyard.
"Coming!" Will yelled back to Hannibal. A short series of bangs followed the man's voice before he appeared in the kitchen. Hannibal sighed, hoping his love didn't dent the expensive flooring with whatever he knocked over this time.
Upon entering the kitchen, Will was bewildered by the scene that awaited him. Hannibal was standing at the counter, multiple bottles of wine in front of him.
"If you called me in here to help you choose a wine," Will started, only to have Hannibal finish his sentence. "You won't be much help. Yes, I know."
Hannibal frowned at the wine. "They are contaminated."
Will furrowed his brow, closing the distance between the two. "All of them? Are you sure?"
Hannibal nodded an affirmative. "This is not a substance I recognise," the man reluctantly admitted.
Suddenly, Will's eyes widened in realisation. Hannibal looked at him sharply, hoping he had an explanation.
"My brother-in-law might be to blame," Will admitted, rubbing the back of his neck.
Hannibal raised an eyebrow, urging Will to continue.
"My pseudo-brother's husband and I didn't exactly meet on the best of terms. Or part on the best of terms. As you know. And, since he's a wizard, like Harry, so he could get past the security system."
Hannibal closed his eyes, inwardly rolling them.
"Ah, yes. That... may be my fault," Hannibal admitted, grimacing as he remembered the events of five nights ago.
Will shot his head up, sending Hannibal an extremely suspicious look.
"He hurt you, dearest. I couldn't just allow it," Hannibal confessed.
Will made a vague growling noise, exasperated. "What'd you do?" Will asked, putting his hand to his head.
After reluctantly explaining, Hannibal was told that the loss of his wine was his own fault. The serial killer thought that was punishment enough, but apparently not, as Will ignored him for 'being an idiot' until Tuesday.
—
On the fourth week of 'Poison the In-laws', the brothers were fed up with their respective significant others.
"Tom," Harry began,
"Hannibal," Will began,
"I will ignore you for a week if you don't leave-" they continued, unknowingly together,
"Hannibal," Harry,
"Tom," Will,
"Alone," they finished.
Reluctantly, the in-laws stopped trying to kill one another. Well, they stopped doing so as frequently. Every once in awhile a murderer would be ignored or sent to the doghouse for trying to Avada Kedavra or stab another.