Josh's pov
Fuck...
I need to be better than this.
He's seventeen! Practically just a kid! I'm an adult, I don't need to catch feelings for a minor. That's not good. It's perverted. I don't want to hurt him or pervert the sweet boy. Not only is he underaged he's also not mentally aware of things so that's even worse.
I have no idea what kind of thought process he has. I'm not trying to be mean, only realistic, he could very well only have the thoughts of a ten year old.
So what if he likes me, I shouldn't even look at him the way I do. Of course I'm respectful and don't stare at him or anything but when he fell asleep this morning I couldn't stop thinking about how beautiful he was while he was sleeping.
Now he's sitting by himself in the living room and I just want to go over to him and let him lay in my arms. But that's not professional... I couldn't seriously hurt this boy by simply liking him so I need to stop.
As I clean the kitchen my thoughts all revolves around Oli.
He's just so...
I don't know, he is beautiful but that not why I like him so much. I can't explain it... He's special but not in the way other people see him. He's unique. He seems all there sometimes and that tricks me into thinking that what I feel is okay to feel but I know it's not.
I wish I didn't like him...
Once I'm done with the kitchen I walk into the living room. Gerard and Frankie are no where to be seen. Probably fucking- I swear those two are like rabbits.
I sit next to the quiet boy and look at him to see he's playing with his fingers, not paying attention to anything. Cute. I wonder what he's thinking about. He looks at me and then at the tv so I turn my attention to the tv too.
Slowly, I zone out and soon I'm off in my own world thinking about everything and nothing at all. It's only when I feel something being set in my lap that I look down- Oli is looking up at me, he has his head on my thighs as he lays on my couch.
Instead of telling him no because this is wrong, I move some of his hair out from his face and look into his green and brown eyes. I want to kiss him but I can't... Why am I so attracted to him? I've literally never wanted someone like this.
My eyes inspect every detail of his face and I notice he doesn't look happy...
What's wrong baby?
"Is something wrong?" I ask him.
He nods slightly but doesn't give me a hint on what it is that's bothering him. Thunder rumbles in the distance and he grabs my hand and places it on his face.
I let my fingers run down his smooth skin and trace the details of his face. He closes his eyes and I leg my thumb brush over his long dark eyelashes. I trail my fingers over his eyebrows next and then his perfect lips.
As my fingers touch his lips his eyes open slowly and he admires me as I admire him. His Cupids bow is prominent and so... Kiss able. I want to kiss him.
I swallow and break eye contact with him and look at the window to see it's raining hard. My hand stays on his face but I ignore his longing gaze. He's seventeen, he doesn't yet know how bad it is to be this willing to be with someone so much older. They could take advantage of him.
I'm glad I'm the one who he likes because if he was like this with someone else they could easily take advantage of him. I won't. I respect him. He needs to be with someone the same age as him...
I'm twenty-two, that's almost five years apart. When I was having my first kiss he was- well... I don't know what he was capable of doing when he was that young. I was going to say learning how to ride a bike but with his condition he probably never learned how to ride a bike or swim.
Oh- oh no...
Was I his first kiss?
I didn't kiss back and it was clear I hurt his feelings but I didn't even think about how that was probably his first kiss. "Have you ever had a girlfriend or boyfriend?" I ask him and look at him to see him sit up.
He looks at me with a puzzled look and starts playing with a lock of hair. He looks up as if trying to think about it. He this signs the word 'yes' and the 'boy'. He's had a boyfriend? So it's possible that I wasn't his first kiss, that's very good.
"What was he like?" I ask but he frowns and looks away.
Touchy subject?
He then shrugs and leans against me as we sit side by side. I wrap my arm around him and he snuggles into me.
The first time thunder booms close to us and lightning flashes is also the first time I realize that it's the weather making him uneasy. He flinches hard and perks up looking at the window in alarm.
"It's okay, we are safe inside," I tell him and he nods a little and attempts to lean back on me but more thunder makes him sit up again and send me a scared look.
"Okay how about we go to my room? It's quieter there," I say and he grabs my hand while we get up. I squeeze his hand reassuringly and take him upstairs, to my room.
When we get to my room he craws under my blankets and curls up in my bed. I sit at my desk and look at him to see his eyes are closed. Is he going to sleep? I watch him for a moment but realize he is and I'm probably being weird for watching him so I pick up a book and start reading.
If he wasn't special I think the age gap wouldn't be horrible, after he turns eighteen that is.
But he is...
I don't think I ever said josh's age until this chapter but if I did then oops, pretend I didn't. He's 22.
Thoughts on josh?
Thoughts on Oli?
The house?
The storm?
Oli's said he's had a boyfriend before?
I woke up at 6am today and stayed awake. I wrote this chapter, painted a leaf, punched bob (punching dummy), exercised, and drank lots of water this morning and now its 10am. Now I need to go drink coffee and
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