takami keigo - it's not me, it's you

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short story for a request by @chikentenduos
burning pile by mother mother.

CW: N.A.

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"You never loved me, did you?"

A simple question I wish I had the courage to ask.

Oh, when did loving someone become so tiring? I gave him everything, yet I received nothing. I sacrificed all those blood, sweat and tears, and what did I get in return? Not even a single ounce of his love.

Loving has become such a chore; it was difficult and I was starting to hate it. How I yearned for the day that he would love me back, and yet that day just never came.

"Just tell him how you feel!"

Oh, I could only wish for it to be this easy. I've tried so many times to talk to him, hoping that he'd understand.

Now look at where that has led me to. Nowhere.

Painful, isn't it?

So why didn't I just give up? Why didn't I just admit defeat and leave? Well, when you love someone too much, sometimes you're too blind to notice what's wrong.

But after years of trying, pouring my heart and soul into this relationship and getting nothing in return, it seems that something in me snapped.

That fateful day, I packed up all of my stuff. That fateful day, I decided enough was enough. All my attempts at expressing my love for him has been ignored since the first day, so wouldn't it be better for me to leave?

However, it seems that something had changed in him.

When I had finished taking my belongings, packing them into luggages, he had just come home from work. Noticing that the house seemed to be missing one half, his usually indifferent expression suddenly contorted into one of shock, then sadness.

Oh, what a sight it was to behold!

"Where are you going?" he asks, fear laced in his words.

"Somewhere else," I told him, averting my gaze, "somewhere where I feel loved."

"What, what do you mean?" he stuttered, laughing nervously. "I love you, don't I?"

I paused, my grip on the luggage handle loosening a little. I gritted my teeth.

Those three simple words that I had yearned to hear from him for so long, and he had the audacity to say it in such a situation.

"Keigo."

He jumped a little.

"I think it's funny you're only saying 'I love you' right now. What about every other day? Do you only love me because i'm leaving?"

"No that's not what i mean-"

I looked up, staring him in the eye. He shuts his mouth.

"You know, I think it's even funnier because I loved you more than I loved myself. I gave you all that I had, hoping for meagre scraps of affection from you. Ironically yet, even when my expectations were on the floor, you never failed to disappoint me."

I took a shaky breathe, biting my cheek as I tried not to cry, which wasn't really working well.

"You know, you gave me so many reasons to leave you," I whispered.

I looked away as a tear fell, a tear that held so much emotion. I could hear his breath hitch, his wings and clothes rustling as he tried to come closer.

"Yet," I continued, "You never gave me a reason to stay."

The blonde, upon hearing my words, stopped moving and stood rooted to the floor.

Not wanting to stay any longer, I pushed past him, dragging my luggage behind me.

He made no attempt to stop me, only kneeling on the ground as he knew it was all over.

He had lost, and he couldn't do anything about it.

- fin -

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