Stockholm Syndrome

Chapter 11- Doubts

(Nialls POV)

I can tell I'm in the so called "basement" the second I wake up. It isn't the cold feel of the concrete, or the rough rubbing of the ropes against my wrists, or the sound of Emma's breathing next to me that alerts me. Its the smell. The smell of a mixture of cleaning sprays, chloroform, disinfectant, and anesthesia. Almost like some sort of twisted hospital, and I've spent enough time scrubbing this smell from Louis' clothes to know what it means. Management wasn't kidding when they said they were taking me and Emma to the "basement". I suppose I should have realised that when they knocked me out.

I open my eyes to assess my surroundings, only to find myself in pitch darkness. I feel sudden terror grip ny heart and I struggle not to give in. I focus on Emma's breathing beside me, and move myself a little closer to her, until I'm laying so close to her that we're touching. Right now, I couldn't care less what she'll think when she wakes up. I need something to keep me pinned to reality, something to keep me from succumbing to the terror. And as I lay there, I remember how the others had reacted.

I was sitting at a table in some hotel, I can't even remember which one anymore the first time the basement was mentioned. Louis had been goofing off again, doing something stupid so we could get in a good laugh. But management had gotten angry. I remember the men yelling at Louis, and Louis just laughing them off. I remember the men putting a bag over his head and dragging him away. Both Harry and I cried that night, and I remember biting into my lip until it bled. Zayn and Liam tried so hard to stay strong, but I remember seeing tears in their eyes. That night was the first time I really questioned if I wanted to be famous, and it was the first night we all bonded, the entire group. We were all terrified of what had happened to Louis. We didn't know if we would ever see him again. That night no one slept, but Louis came back fine the next day. That was the first time I remember washing the scent from one of his shirts, but he refused to speak of it. We didn't let Louis out of our sight for three days after that, all five of us sleeping in the same room. We had only been teenagers back then.

Louis was sent back there several times. Whenever we asked about it, all he would say Was "the basement". To be honest, it terrified all of us that Louis was so easy to break. He seemed so strong. Bit each time, the recovery was shorter. It was getting easier for him. He knew what To expect. And we all began to relax. Perhaps a little too much.

It was perhaps six months later that Harry was first sent there. He had been trying to write a new song and got so frustrated that he broke the piano. Management was mad. They said that was not the example we should be setting. I remember the look in Louis' eye when they dragged Harry away. That was the first time I had seen real terror in his eyes. I bit my lip til it bled and we all ended up sleeping in Harry's room. When he came back the next day, he wasn't the same. He was so fragile. For weeks we would wake up each night to his screaming. Louis was the only one able to comfort him. I remember being scared. I was so terrified of what management could do. The daunting threat of the basement hung constantly over my head. That was when I got most of the scars on the inside of my lip. It seemed like I was always tasting blood back then.

It was two months later before Harry was seemingly back to normal. It was two weeks after that that I caught Harry kissing Louis. I remember that management sent them away to the basement for a week when they found out, and Zayn wouldn't stop asking if I was okay. I don't know why he was so worried. Back then I was terrified of him, and it was around then that we actually became friends. When Harry and Louis came back, the five of us were inseparable. And from that came a new rule- never sleep alone. We rearranged the rooms, pushing beds around until there were multiple beds in every room. Since then, I've never slept in an empty room.

Zayn was only sent to the basement once, after he got in a fist fight. He didn't appear visibly shaken, but he seemed not to be his self for a few weeks.

Liam was never sent away. But he was never scared like me. I was always so scared of being sent away. I was always the weak one.

Tears come to my eyes as I remember how helpless I had felt. And the truth was obvious now. All those times when I had doubted weather I really deserved to be a part of their group,  hadn't been being stupid like Zayn insisted. I had been right. I dig my teeth into my lip, biting harder than I have n a very long time. The metallic taste of blood fills my mouth, it's taste mingling with the smell surrounding me. Its a ghastly combination and it makes me feel sick to my stomach. But the pain feels good. It feels real. And in the basement, nothing feels real.

I don't know how long I sit there. I don't allow myself to think, biting hard into my lip every time I start to. There is nothing to think about. I am here, and I can't change that. I only break this cycle when Emma shifts beside me. I think she can feel me beside her, because she speaks.

"Where am I?" She ask, groggy. I put an arm around her shoulder, praying she won't panic at the darkness like I did.

"The basement." I respond, not bothering to explain further.

"Yes But where is that?" Emma asks, sitting up. I am not about to move my arm from her shoulder, so I do the same.

"No one really knows except management. Louis may have a vague idea with all the Times he's been here, but he was always drugged, so I doubt it." I explain.

"Louis has been here?" Emma asks, sounding confused.

I nod, knowing she can't see me. "The basement is the only way they can punish us without getting bad press. Just the mention of it used to make me cry." I admit, feeling the weakness all over again. Emma didn't even seem phased by the place, why did I have to be such a baby? I Bite my lip hard before continuing.  "It was how they made sure we followed their twisted rules. Even Louis knew to back down when this place was mentioned."

"Niall." She says my name but nothing else and she leans into my shoulder. I hold her tight, by knowing what else to say.

"I used to think you weren't human." Emma suddenly states. I blink my eyes in surprise. Where did that come from.

"What exactly did you think I was?" I ask, genuinely curious, and a little hurt that I hadn't seemed human.

"Some twisted creature with a huge ego that listened to whatever he was told to do just to get a story." As she says the words, I feel my eyes burn with tears. Sometimes over the past few years I have felt that way. That my entire life centers around my band, that it will always be all I'm ever known for. That I am just playing into some sick game, doing everything I'm told. Emma has just brought my greatest fears into the conversation, and I Bite down on my lip, relishing the pain.

"But then I sit down with you and every word you say makes you seem more human." She admits. Tired of sitting up, I lay back down on the ground, and Emma does the same.

"Lets play a game." I suggest after several seconds of silence.

"Alright. How about truth or dare. From what I've read, You and your mates really love that game." I can't tell if she's joking, serious, or bitter, and we sit in silence for several moments.

"It was a joke Niall." Her voice is soft in the darkness. "I'm sorry."

"Its alright. But I'm not sure how much fun that game would be with only two people." I speak carefully, not wanting to insult her in any way. I Bite down on my lip, silently cursing myself. I never know what To say at times like this.

"I agree. I was just kidding. We could play 20 questions." She suggests. I nod even though she can't see me, an idea forming in my head.

"We're gonna be here a while. How about we play it with a twist. Instead of answering questions about some stupid object, we answer them about ourselves. The questions can be as deep or shallow as you want, and we take turns. We just keep asking questions until they come to get us." I propose my new plan, wondering what she'll think. Noramally I wouldn't let anyone this close to my emotions, but I was curious about Emma. It made me wonder about what my life would be like if I had decided not to try and make a career out of singing. I would just disappear into the anonymity of good singers that had never embraced their talent. I wondered if that was what I wanted. I bit into my lip as I Wait for her response, more out of habit than the need to feel pain. I've always had this habit, and I probably always will. Its just part of me.

"I suppose I could agree to that. But you have to promise not to lie." Emma responds after what feels like ages.

I nod and smile, biting my lip in anticipation and almost laughing at the habit. "Let the games begin."