Inbetween

7 - We're all lost

TW: homophobia, strong language, mentioning of the f-slur but censored!!!

Leo's P.O.V.:

I still couldn't believe what happened. Well at least I should've accepted it, for Nicky's sake. But how could I if the one I loved was about to vanish after all we had been through. How could "this" end, when it had barely started?

"How was that fair?", I thought sitting on at my desk in my dorm room.
After Nicky's sister saw us together, Nicky distanced himself for almost a week. Everyday after class he just sat on a small hill near campus staring somewhere.
"Maybe he's thinking about me", I said to myself over and over again looking at him after class.
He barely twitched. He just sat there, knees to his chest.

And as expected rumours started. We were "the main gossip topic". But what was I expecting at a school like this with spoiled little brats who have nothing else to do than to chitchat about someone else's life? I acted like I didn't care and always rolled my eyes whenever someone talked about Nicky and me, but deep within I knew I cared a lot. The jocks made inappropriate comments every now and then just to get on my nerves. By chance I gave  them dirty death wishing looks for fun.

Every night lying in fetal position on my bed I thought back to all the great times we had. I thought about all the reasons I loved Nicky. His beautiful, endless eyes, his scarlet, soft, warm lips, his fluffy hair I used to play with when he was asleep and of course his big, gentle hands tracing my facial features carefully. And all these were about to leave me.

It was after fighting class when Highmoore and his group decided to bother me again (the Jocks).
"Why aren't you changing yet, Ludwig?", he said said hissing my name.
"It's none of your business, Highmoore", I replied paying him no attention.
Highmoore kicked my bag out of the way.
"Hey, I'm talking to you, Ludwig. Has no one taught you manners? You are supposed to look someone in the eyes when they talk to you, didn't you know that?"
I just kept my mouth shut and hoped for the best.
"Maybe he doesn't want to change with us, because he is afraid to get w00d in front of us. F*gg*t", one of the Jocks said.
I acted like I didn't listen.
"No, he only gets w00d for french guys like that Nicolás f*g", Highmoore said.
Just hearing Nicky's name coming from someone like him made my blood boil.
I immediately stood up.
"Don't you say his name ever again", I spat.
"What are you going to do about it?", he replied.
"I'll make you regret your words"
"Highmoore, I think what he is trying to say is, that he wants to fight", one of his minions said.
"Well, wish granted, b*st*rd", Highmoore said.
I was sick of this and couldn't stand this anymore.
He was about to punch me when I took his wrist and held it tightly, turned around pulled him with everything I got over my shoulders and slammed him with his back on the floor.
I then put my knee on his throat making it impossible for him to breathe.
"Don't. You. Say. His. Name. Ever. Again. You aren't worthy the air you breath, just a waste of oxygen. Don't mess with me, especially today I'm in a bad mood so don't you dare provoke me else you've got to face consequences", I hissed and stood up taking my bag and then leaving.

As I always had been for the past week I just stood there at my dorm room's window staring at Nicolás waiting for him to come tell me he could stay.
But he didn't move at all, like he always did for the whole week. He then turned around and looked at me or at least looked in my direction. He waved his hand at me like he was asking me to join him.
And I did running down the stairs two steps at a time. I didn't care that I was out of breath. I just wanted to see him, hear his voice, feel his warmth.
"Hey", Nicky said.

He patted the space next to him as to tell me to sit down next to him.
I nervously sat down my leg shaking, because I ran all the way up the hill in one run.
"You are so beautiful, did you know that, pretty boy?", he said smirking as always.
"Don't say that after avoiding me for almost two weeks", I replied even though I liked hearing him saying that.
"Every day I stood at your dorm room's door hesitating to knock, you know. I hoped that you would come out on your own and to pull me closer and-and that you would kiss me and tell me everything was going to be fine, b-but you never did and I don't know", I then added pulling my knees to my chest.

He held my hand gently and turned it slightly so I could look him in the eyes. His eyes were almost sparkling like they always used to.
"We really messed up everything. Huh, pretty boy?"
"W-we could run, if we wanted to. I'm sure we
w-would make it. J-just the two of us. We could simply run away from this crap. We would be together to the v-very end. Y-you can't just leave me a-alone", I said my voice constantly cracking since my throat was closing up like it always used to when I was about to cry. The sun was slowly disappearing behind the horizon. The sun's orange almost pink light made Nicky's eyes sparkle even more.
I tried to hold back my tears, but thick, salty tears ran down my cheeks.

He gently swiped away my tears and smiled reassuringly.
"Don't cry, pretty boy. Your smile is so beautiful"
I forced on a smile, but it was shaking.
Nicky carefully held my right cheek and got closer, our lips almost touching.
"D-don't leave me, p-please", I then whispered almost inaudibly, but of course he had to hear it.
Even his smile was insecurely disappearing, but for my sake he faked one.
"I have something for you", he said taking my hand gently tracing my hand's back with his thumb. He avoided eye contact and just couldn't help it but stare at us hand in hand.

Nicky took something small from his pocket very carefully. It was a very beautiful ring. Made of silver and very detailed. Very small but it would've fit any of my fingers perfectly. It resembled two entwined sort of climbing plants. On the side the letters "N.B." were professionally incised. Nicolás Baudelaire.
Nicky put it on my pinky carefully.
"Promise me that you'll put a ring on my ring finger someday, okay, Baudelaire?", I asked.
He smirked and then carefully kissed my hand.
Nicky then pulled something from his other pocket. It was two twin daggers. Both made of silver and with entwined climbing plants carved on them as well. They were beautiful. He held them towards me.
"I-I can't accept this, Nicky. I just can't, they are too precious", I said insecurely.
"Just cut the crap. It's a gift and a very important gift   too. They are family relics, so don't lose them, pretty boy. My family name translates to: small sword or dagger; did you know that?"
I took them from his hands my own hands shaking and stared at my reflection. My face was red and puffy.
"Thank you, Nicky", I then added quietly.
For a pretty long time we just stared at the sunset.
At one point Nicky broke the awkward silence and I felt relieved.

"Even if it'll take decades I'll find you, pretty boy. I politely ask you to wait for me until then. Don't forget me, pretty boy", Nicky said and kissed me gently. His lips were as perfect as I had remembered. Soft and warm.

"I haven't told you my real name yet, remember", I then said smiling.
"My real name is Leo Lightwood", I then added.

"I love you, Leo Lightwood", Nicky whispered into my ear.

"I love you too, Nicolás Jean-Jaques Baudelaire", I responded and kissed him.

If I had known that this was the last time I would be able to kiss him for a very long time, I would've held onto that moment longer. I would've kissed him more lovingly and I would've held him closer to my heart.

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Authors' note:
hello luvs <3
how you doing? I hope you are all alright and healthy. I'm in school stress but I always find the time to continue writing this beautiful story of ours.
I hope you liked this chapter.
Let us know some criticism or feedback in the comments.
Feel free to like, share and or vote.
This is all for now, I'll most probably write another chapter tomorrow hehe.
Until then :D