Inbetween

8 - Dear Diary

Tw: strong language (haha ikik i have to do this coz else imma get reported oof)

Leo's P.O.V.:

When I was studying for school I once read that when under pressure or handling with stress/trauma  or just going through a tough time it helps to write into  a diary. I wouldn't have to have a diary, I thought back then. But when I was sitting at my desk during a rainy day wanting to cry my eyes out, because Nicky had left the day before, I decided to give it a try. So, here are my diary entries:

- 02/11/2006 4:35 pm -
Dear diary (?),
Yesterday Nicky left for good. An huge, black Rolls Royce picked him up and the car drove past the horizon. I wish he were here right now. I've never missed someone this bad. Maybe it's because he's the first person I ever truly loved with exception of my fake mom Sophia, but that's not the point. I always thought of love as something superficial and irrelevant, but sitting here writing about my broken heart, I realised that I must've been a coward to think that way. What would I do just to feel him close to me? Probably anything. Everyday I wear his ring on my pinky and it's almost depressing, since the ring feels so cold, because Nicky left. Isn't it funny that I, who always thought I wouldn't ever find true love, am now shattered in pieces just because the love of my life left? Well, for now this is everything.

- 02/15/2006 11:20 am -
For the past few days I've been thinking of writing Nicky letters. Maybe he'd even reply. For now I have to wait though since soon it's exam period and for a whole week we'll be writing our final exams before parents' weekend. Maryse and Robert probably won't even come, but that's for the best, I guess.

- 02/17/2006 2:45 pm -
If I'm in love with Nicky does this make me gay?
This thought has been troubling me for the whole day, since Highmoore stopped avoiding me and began bothering me again. Well, it was wonderful when it lasted. But I like girls too, right? So I can't be gay. Oof, what now? I hate labels. Why do people expect me to label myself, when I'm still confused myself? I guess, this can wait, right?

- 02/20/2006 9:00 am -
Exam period are right around the corner.
I've been making progress, if I may say so.
I've been making more and more friends lately.
Or we'll, at least I hope I can call them my friends. To be honest, I've only been tutoring more and more people, because I'm on top of every class.
Let's hope for the best, I guess.
Oh yeah and by the way, plenty of girls wanted me to be their gay best friend. Is that bad, since I'm not even gay? And not to mention, I hate stereotypes. Who doesn't? I'll have to see, I guess.

- 02/22/2006 6:30 pm -
Today was a disaster. I was so busy and I haven't had peaceful sleep for the past two weeks. Tomorrow is the first exam day and even though I know I'm ready, I'm still anxious, because Nicky isn't here. We always used to study together in the library.
And to make it worse, Nicky's sisters paid a visit to give me a gift. Juliette (the oldest) and Louise (the youngest) Baudelaire stood before me. Nicky never talked about his family. I didn't either and now thinking back to it, we both had our reasonable motives.
They knocked at my door. Juliette stood there in a perfect uniform flawlessly. She had a judging and cold look, we already unpleasantly met in the end. She had blond hair and almost icy-blue eyes. Very sharp facial features.
Louise on the other hand was fully smiling revealing a missing teeth in her upper row.
She had, just like Nicky, light brown almost blond hair and beautiful green eyes.
"I'm Louise and this is Juliette", she said happily pointing towards her older sister.
"I know, we, we already met. Your sister and I, of course", I said and put a smile on for Louise's sake.
"We are here to deliver something", Juliette added coldly.
"Oh?", I said surprised.
"Let's get it over with", Juliette spat.
"Nicky wanted you to have this", she continued and Louise gave me his sketchbook.
"W-I-why?", I asked stupidly trying to form a sentence.
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHY? HE LOVES YOU, YOU DUMBASS", Louise yelled still smiling.
"Don't mind her, she is just a little girl", Juliette intervened, because everyone was staring by then, and gave Louise a scolding look.
"Anyways, I still don't understand what he saw in you. We have to go, Louise", Juliette replied harshly. Louise punched her sister carefully in the arm.
"Hey, don't be rude. You promised", Louise whispered without even looking at her sister.
"I'm sorry, I caused you all this trouble", I then said.
"Could you please tell him that I love him too and that I miss him?", I added.
"Of course we can", Louise smiled.
"No, we can't", Juliette immediately cut her sister off.
"You weren't worth this crap. You should feel sorry", she then added, took her sister by her right sleeve and left.
I still could hear Louise telling Juliette that what she had said was too much.

- 02/25/2006 8:15 am -
Today is the last day of the exams and I still haven't taken a look at the sketchbook. I don't know why. I probably wasn't ready the last days. But I've decided. I'm going to take a look at it later today when I'm finished with my exams.

- 02/25/2006 11:30 pm -
Today couldn't have been worse.
I finished my exams and went to my room right after. I'm not going to lie, but I was a pretty good feelings about the exams. I'm really proud actually, but that's not it.
I was scanning the sketchbook and most of the drawings were about me. Some of them showed me sleeping. Other were me with my/his two daggers and angelic wings. Nicky is so talented. He didn't want me to take a look at his drawings and now I knew why. They were so good though. Looking at them made me miss him even more.
And as to make it even worse someone knocked at my dorms room.
I opened the door and wanted to close it immediately.

"Hello, son", Robert said and Maryse smiled at me.

Authors' note:
Hello luvssss <3
hehe another chapter is online :D
I'm really proud, if I may say so myself.
Tbh I didn't know what to write this chapter about and came up with this kind of idea. I hope you like it.
And dw Leo wrote Nicky thousands of letters ;)
spoiler alert: Nicky never got to read them or reply, because his parents hid them from him :((((((
Well, in Germany we have a loooong weekend now so I have more time to write new chapters hehe :D
That's all for now.
Bye, luvs <3