I've Lost My Way (Sequel to Saved by The Way)

Chapter 4

Well, I didn't die during the pill test. That's a plus.

But I couldn't shake the uneasy feeling in my head when I looked at the torn face of that little girl.

Torn to pieces.

I shook her from my mind. Not my problem. I said to myself.

But that facial expression....

There wasn't anything I could do about it. I had zero control if what happened to the other patients.

I sat down at a table in the cafeteria with a hot lunch in front of me.

Tomato soup. Ugh. That's all we ever eat here.

I couldn't wait for after lunch though. After lunch was letter time. We could read letters from our loved ones and I couldn't contain my excitement much longer.

I looked down into the creamy swirling pool of tomato soup in my foam bowl. I picked up the spoon and stirred it around a bit. I'm already sick of it.

Quinn and Bert approached me with trays in their hands.

I noticed Quinn was smiling big and genuine. I'd never seen Quinn smile like that and it made me happy inside.

I then craned my head to see Bert. His hair was wild and long and stuck out all over. His scruffy goatee was uneven and needed to be trimmed. Bert's eyes were cast downward with panic clouding over them. I noticed his lips quivering and moving quickly.

Quinn pulled in a chair across from me and Bert sat down beside me.

"I'm never going to look back. I'm never going to look back" Bert whispered again and again getting louder and louder at the tiniest incline with every whisper.

"Guess what?" Quinn said with his smile beaming.

"What?" I asked returning the smile.

"They said I may actually be eligible to be released within the next two weeks." he said joyfully.

"Congradulations!" I shouted joyfully.

Quinn's smile then faded into a frown.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"It's just... Bert. What's going to happen to him once I'm out of here?"

I suddenly realized that Bert hadn't improved since I was here about a year ago and there's no telling when he will improve. He was going to be here after all of the other patients had come and gone. Forever remaining until the walls would rot away and the windows cracked to pieces.

I felt a shot of grief wash through me as I looked at Bert's terrified face. What a pity. I'd heard him singing before and he had sure talent, but it would be wasted away in these confining walls.

"Quinn, I'll take care of him. You can visit him on holidays and I'll be here longer than you. Then I'll find someone else to look after him. It'll be OK. I promise." I sighed. What a shame we were all stuck in the madhouse.

Quinn nodded and then started smiling again. "I can't wait until I get out. I'm going to go and get myself a girlfriend and start a band where I can put my guitar skills to work at last. If Bert ever gets out of here maybe he can be the singer." he said grinning from ear to ear. "He can scream like no other." he chuckled.

I let my dirty mind takeover and tried to suppress a laugh to no avail.

Quinn looked at me wide eyed with pure shock scrawled into his face. "Oh God no! I mean he screams randomly in the night!" he said frantically, but there was laughter carved into his eyes too.

"Sure that's what you meant." I said sarcastically.

Quinn's face scrunched up into a grin and remained that way for awhile.

After we had finished our lunch, we sat and waited for letters. My heart pounded inside my chest. Gerard. Love. Joy.

Soon, all the patients had finished the meal and a few staff members walked around the room with baskets of letters.

Jeph tossed a letter to Quinn and he accepted it with an excited look on his face.

When a letter was tossed in front of Bert, Bert looked at extremely confused. As if he'd never seen one before. Bert didn't touch the letter.

Of course, with my luck, my letter was the last in the basket. Jeph tossed it to me and I eagerly ripped it open.

Scarlett,
You're probably still confused as to why I brought you to the asylum. The week leading up to this painful decision started when I found you drowning in the canal. I realized how fragile you really were. You were like a piece of old glass that would shatter if you even touched it. I couldn't bare to see you like that. I was so deathly scared of losing you. Then when we found your mom, you completely broke down and my fear for you skyrocketed. I couldn't sit and watch you fall apart like that. I needed to save you.

Remember a few things for me.  You obviously don't think you belong in that asylum. The more frantic and uneasy you act, the longer they'll see the need to keep you there even if it's unnecessary. You need to be strong. Be the brave girl I came to know and love. I know you can get through this. I wouldn't have put you in there if I thought they couldn't help you. I promise things will get better.

Back here at home, Mikey and I have been prescribed to a couple antidepressants. I'm honestly kind of frightened at the idea of me being on antidepressants, but it's for the better. I'll get better in the end and that's important.

Scarlett, I miss you dearly. I love you with all my heart. You're my one and only. When you get out, I want to marry you. I want to be your significant other and your lover. Not a moment passes by when you're not on my mind. I love you from the bottom of my black little heart.

Love,
Gerard

I then wanted to cry out. The pain mixed joy within me and my body was confused on what to do. Cry or smile. I chose the latter. Can't be paying for anymore tears around here.

Quinn was hunched over his letter happily and Bert looked at his as if it would hurt him if he touched it.

"Bert, do you want to read your letter?" I asked tenderly.

He looked horrified as I grabbed the letter and began to read aloud to him.

"Bert, it's your mom, remember me? Sometimes I wonder if you've forgotten about me and it makes me sad. I love you Bert," I paused as I noticed Bert's head shoot up when I mentioned the word love. "Bert I know one day you'll understand everything and that I'll be able to hold you in my arms again. Until then, I love you dearly and I'm praying for you. Love mom."

Bert's eyes looked as if they'd just retrieved a long lost memory from the dusty library of memories.

"I miss my mom." he whispered.

He didn't repeat it. He said it once then remained silent. A wave of shock rushed through my veins like a bolt of lightning through a circuit.

Bert made sense.