I've Lost My Way (Sequel to Saved by The Way)

Chapter 13

My eyes felt as if they were glued shut. I could feel a hot ray of a light kissing my face awake. Whether it was the sun or just a lamp I didn't know.

The silence that was louder than noise filled wherever I was. Nothing could be heard. It was like I was sitting in a large auditorium and the whole world was just waiting for my voice to fill the soundless room with words.

The silence wasn't awkward. It was peaceful. It filled your heart with the silence and silenced your thoughts too. I felt completely at rest and in good hands.

I didn't want to shatter the beautiful silence like causing ripples in a completely still pool of water. I wanted the silence to stay still. Stay beautiful.

I didn't want to break the silence from even moving. The slightest movement would've completely turned the silence into noise. Silence was it's own kind of noise. Silence was like music in a lot of ways. It brought goodness to your soul and helped you realize things that no TV or textbooks or internet would ever teach you. It taught you what kind of person you were. Yes, silence was a crookedly perfect kind of therapy.

What's sad is you can't always hear the empty melody silence plays on repeat over and over. Silence only lasts for the dead and the dreamless sleepers. Just like how a calm pool of water will always ripple. It will never stay calm forever.

Now my pool of silence was being interrupted by a rustling. I slowly peeked through one eyelid that was opened ever so slightly so that I was practically blinded by the shadow my own eyelashes.

I was relieved to realize I was back in my normal hospital room. The pale white walls were enough to reveal where I was. Then there was the menacing machines standing above and all around me like the Stonehenge of the Easter Islands. Only they didn't beep and welcome me awake from my sleep through surgery, they stared at me and made me feel like nothing compared to their power.

I slowly opened my eyes the remainder of the way and peered around the room. Gerard and Mikey sat huddled in chairs next to each other with their heads turned down to the ground. An open comic book laid open in the lap of Mikey, but his arms covered it and he appeared to have his mind occupied elsewhere. Elsewhere. Who knows where that is? Is it a place? Could it be a state of mind?

It was most definitely a state of mind. A state where one isn't truly whole heatedly with the ways of the world. They're occupied with other business. Elsewhere.

Those guys broke my silence. But I loved them both anyways. One as a brother, the other as my best friend, lover, saviour, light, and hope.

Yes, Gerard was my hope. He gave me a reason to look up towards the future because there was a chance he would be my future. He would be my forever. My only time. My only reason to remember the past and my only reason to be excited for what the future might bring. Whether that future held children, growing old together, or whatever we both decide to do with our lives, I wanted him in it. I wanted him to be more than just in my future, I wanted him to be my future.

"Gerard..." I mumbled, surprised at my inability to speak properly. My voice was dry and raspy as I called his names.

Both of their heads darted up like they'd just heard the first note to their favorite song. I noticed Mikey's light brown hair flying back. It had most definitely gotten longer since I had first gone into the institution. Gerard's dark hair did something similar where it flew behind him.

They were on their feet within seconds and both of them stood on either side of me. Each of them grabbed one of my hands and clasped their fingers to mine in a way of showing their love for me.

Love. What a horrifyingly beautiful thing. Whenever you hold someone or something too close to your heart, they are stolen from you. They ate taken from you and then you hurt more than if you just kept your distance. Sometimes, however, love is unstoppable. Whether you wish to have a companion or not, they are yours and you are theirs. And then you get slapped in the face from the blind spot in your vision that love created.