Love & Ruins (#2)

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Eleven: Evan

It's been said that you don't really get to move on from events or people that come into your life and that you just learn to find distractions or be indifferent to what you've lost.

I've always hated that notion considering I recognize the truth in it, but I still deny it because I despise even more the thought that my sense of control can be snatched away from me by something or someone I don't wanna give that power to.

Because I want to forget you, but how come you're so persistent in becoming anything else but a memory? As if that's more up to you than it is to me?

I despise having my emotions control me more than I control them. I hate how I have no other choice but to succumb to them because of how easily I can be dissuaded from my rationality.

I feel too much and I know that's eventually going to be my Achilles heel, and it doesn't help that the person evoking those emotions from me is someone that I'm not going to deny knows how to hurt me better than anyone because of how much I've given her the privilege to do so.

Because when you allow someone to know you for who you really are, it requires a level of certainty knowing that they can eventually use that knowledge against you.

Maybe not intentionally, maybe they won't ever do it, but you know that they can, and that is the scariest part when it comes to letting someone into your life.

Knowing they can just as quickly leave the second that they arrive.

I know Maggie didn't do all of this to try and spite me, she's not like that, and I know she didn't leave on her own accord and she was undoubtedly coerced by her father, but life has a funny way of letting the people that we love hurt us with the awareness of our weaknesses as their weapons.

So maybe she didn't do it on purpose, but that doesn't lessen the impact of how she left without as much as a warning and years later, come back with someone I've always felt inferior to, given how Levi just seemed like the kind of person who'd provide everything she needs.

There's not a doubt in my mind that Wayne approves of him, because why wouldn't he? Levi has always had a good track record and is beloved by everyone back in Henderson High, not to mention he was at the top of his class and was the star player of the basketball team.

Why wouldn't Wayne consider someone like him to be a suitable partner for Maggie?

They fit just right.

But the question still stands... Does Maggie even want him? Because she was adamant that the relationship never worked, and if it never worked back then when they dated for nearly two years, how could it miraculously work out now? It just doesn't make any sense.

There's the possibility that they could've resolved their issues, sure, but for some reason that still doesn't convince me that Maggie would willingly go back to him. It just doesn't.

That doesn't mean the thought doesn't infuriate me, and what's worse is I'm letting it bother me this much when I promised myself I wouldn't let it, but I guess that's what happens when you anticipate the green light so much that you step onto the pedals too soon and hit a bump in the road that stops the ride altogether.

Maybe I grew too optimistic thinking that for once, the universe was on my side. It never really is, and I've learned to come to terms with it.

That no matter which step I take or which road I drive on, it'll always lead back to her, and one might say I can just move on and pretend I never even saw her, but I'd be lying if I said it really was that fucking easy. Because it isn't.