Love & Ruins (#2)

Chapter Two

Chapter Two: Evan

It wasn't long before I found myself in front of Jasper's bedroom, knocking softly on his door at 12:00 AM "Jasper, can I come in?"

It took a while for him to respond until eventually, he did, knowing that as much as we get into our occasional fights now and then, he can never really stay angry at me. "Come in," he replied.

I made my way inside to see him sitting on his bed, his phone in his hand, already clad in his usual nighttime attire - a simple white tee as well as a pair of baby blue pajama pants.

He arrived home at 10:00 PM due to how his classes start at five in the afternoon, and he gave me the silent treatment in between the hours before and after his classes, and considering I haven't attended University yet and mostly just stay at home the majority of the time, not being able to talk to him was torture.

Plus I know I needed to apologize, deep down as much as I refuse a lot of his lectures, I know he was only doing it because he's worried for me and the path I was taking.

I've been in a slump these past three years and he never fails to support me despite the rough patch that I've been through and how I tend to pour all my burden down on him.

But I know his sudden change of behavior toward my instability had only been because of my lack of progress because whenever he chastised me it was never about how I've trashed the environment of his apartment, it was always about how I've ruined my own life.

It was always about my well-being and how I've fallen into a deep spiral and never emerged from it, and I felt guilty, there was never a day where I didn't feel bad about how I dumped all of my problems on him and made him feel responsible for my recent downfall.

"Hey," I began as I drew myself closer towards him as he just stared up at me with a distant look in his eyes.

"Hey," he replied, setting his phone down on his nightstand.

"So about this morning..." I trailed off, nervously rubbing a hand on the nape of my neck as I willed myself to continue "I'm really sorry."

Jasper sighed, closing his eyes as he shook his head "No, I'm sorry. I overreacted, honestly, I did. I should learn how to sympathize better with your situation but these days it's just getting harder and harder to see you lose your sense of direction."

"I understand that trust me, I do, and there's not a day where I don't feel bad that I have to let you witness this side of me, hooking up with different people and being a complete wreck-"

"That's the thing, I don't care. It doesn't matter if you come crying to me every night or you're staying with me in this apartment until you've fully recovered, what does matter is that you're spending your days drinking all the time and having sex with strangers because you can."

"It's not normal and we've known each other since we were kids, Evan. Seeing you like this just makes me feel inadequate because I feel like I'm not doing enough to help you." he added, "I can't stand seeing you act like this over someone who hasn't even gone out of her way to contact you these past three years and yet here you are ruining your life and for what?"

He pinches the bridge of his nose in agitation as he breathes in and out of his nose, attempting to calm himself down "I get it, she was your first love. She was the first girl you truly fell in love with but was she really that special for you to go through all of this?"

I didn't answer, I refused to do so because I know once I dig deeper into my subconscious and really pried myself into answering that, I was just going to question the general state of my sanity. Knowing fully well whenever it comes to her it was always yes, yes, and yes.