Abuse | Taekook

38

Taehyung looked up at his old home as he hesitantly walked towards the entrance. He hasn't been home in months, and even though he knew nothing has changed, he still felt as if he shouldn't be here.

Nonetheless, he welcomed the nostalgic smell of his old home as he opened the door. Taehyung knew something was off, that the person who should've been here was in fact missing.

Taehyung ignored the dread of being alone in such an old, big house and continued to take in the feeling of finally being home again.

Taehyung admired the little things about everything, capturing the beauty of everything in the flash of a camera. He admired things as small as the way the dust delicately floats through the air as the sun captures its beauty. He captured everything in a picture, even if it wasn't anything he'd remember in a day or two.

Yet the feeling of his lovers presence was something he could never forget. No matter how hard Taehyung tried to fall out of love with Jungkook, he'd still be captivated by the beauty of everything about the younger boy.

No matter how bad, Taehyung knows Jungkook is sorry. So, so sorry. He sighed knowing what they had before couldn't bloom like it once did without the thought of the pain the two had to go through together. He needed to feel that safety again, with somebody, maybe even anybody.

Taehyung just needed something to make him feel safe. Even with the temporary feeling of being safe within the arms of his friends, he still needed the love of him, and maybe it's only him who can make him feel truly loved.

His hands are carefully holding the weight of his beloved camera as he watches the dust float through the air with ease, with no effort at all. He can almost feel the feeling of floating, yet the feeling disappears as the sun sinks below the horizon, slowly as the light once again fades.

Taehyung doesn't want to be here, not when he is alone. The bright screen showed the number of who he needed, even more so craved to be with. Without a second thought, the phone rang.

"Hello?" The voice on the other side said, raspy as if they were awoken from a deep slumber.

"Jungkook," Taehyung started .. he wasn't sure how to continue, or how to even tell jungkook that he needed him .. "I miss you, like a lot. Would you mind staying here with me tonight?" ..

The line went silent, then finally the answer he waited for came through.

"Of course, Taehyung. I'll be there in a few."

Taehyung let out a sigh of relief. "Okay! I'll see you then."

Taehyung felt almost nervous to see Jungkook again. All he knows is that he can't wait to be in Jungkook's warm embrace once more.

There was a knock on the door before it opened, revealing a half-awake Jungkook standing in the doorway.

"I'm so glad you're here. I wouldn't be able to sleep alone in this house with how quiet it is." Taehyung said as he felt relieved to be with Jungkook again. 

"Of course Tae. Now let's get to bed, I'm exhausted." Jungkook mumbled as he kissed the top of Taehyung's head before leading the way to their once shared bedroom. 

Their shared room still had the same bed sheets, carrying the smell of old cologne and fabric softener. The smell brought Taehyung comfort, even more so knowing that Jungkook was there with him.

"I miss this place sometimes," Jungkook spoke as he pulled the covers over the two of them. "but I'm glad I'm here now, with you."

Taehyung smiled a little, too shy to meet eyes with the man laying next to him. "I can't wait to be with you again, to have something new. To be honest, I kind of don't deserve it. Anyway, it's four in the morning. We should get some sleep. Goodnight, Taehyung." Jungkook spoke up once more as he laid a kiss on Taehyung forehead before reaching for the lamp switch.

"Goodnight, Jungkook." Taehyung said through a yawn as he finally closed his eyes to sleep.

_______

Sitting outside on the porch, Taehyung held the old camera in his hand as he hopelessly looked for something to catch in a photo.

A sudden voice distracted Taehyung once more. "You still have that camera I gave you?" Jungkook acknowledged, carefully grabbing the camera from Taehyung hands.

The camera still looked as if it was brand new. The old camera was Taehyung most prized possession, it was the only thing that made him happy these days.

"Holy shit, you're really good!" Jungkook exclaimed as he continued to click through different photos Taehyung had taken.

Taehyung noticed a sudden shift as he watched jungkook's face change as he looked down at a photo of someone. "What really happened between you and Yoongi?" Jungkook asked as he pointed at an old photo of Yoongi.

Taehyung sighed. He was hoping for this situation to not come up again, but with Jungkook you never know what to expect. "He had feelings for me, that's all. It sounds wrong considering the fact that he was dating jimin." Taehyung muttered as he played with his nails. He knew not telling the full story made him a bad person, he just valued what jungkook thought of him.

Taehyung needed Jungkook's validation, and through everything, he still valued it dearly. Jungkook nodded as he processed what Taehyung just told him. "Honestly, I thought it was more than that. Taehyung, are you hiding something from me?" Jungkook asked, waiting for something to prove that Taehyung was lying.

"Why would I lie to you about that, Jungkook?" Taehyung said as he faked a look of shock, and by the way jungkook reacted, he knew he was now convinced. Taehyung couldn't help but feel guilty for lying, but knowing that Jungkook believed and sided with him just made him feel better, happier even.

"Honestly, I feel so bad for Jimin. I know that sounds bad because he doesn't really like us that much, but he doesn't have anyone to lean on. I kinda just hope someone helps him before he goes into another spiral." Jungkook's eyes displayed a look of remembrance, he knew something Taehyung didn't.

"Has jimin gone through a spiral before?" Taehyung felt even more guilt tear through him as he thought of how Jimin would react if he found out he was lying. He didn't even have a good reason to lie.

"Jimin and I both promised each other to never speak of it, I'm sorry Taehyung but I don't think I can tell you." Jungkook quietly said, feeling guilty hiding something from someone he loved.

Taehyung didn't carry on even though he felt the need to do so. "I feel bad for him to. I wish I could've been a better friend, I wish I could change the past." Taehyung said stressfully. This whole situation was like an itch that was hard to get rid of, it was like an continuous up and down feeling. It'll calm down for a couple of days then it'll surface again.

"Tae, it's better to know what you did wrong and reflect on how to change for the better than to continuously blame and guilt trip yourself. You did something wrong, but most of it was out of your control." Jungkook said as he smiled at Taehyung in an attempt to make him believe in what he was saying.

Taehyung knew Jungkook was right, but it just felt so hard to let go of the guilt, there was something telling him that he didn't have the right to do so either. He gave the younger boy a reassuring smile before turning back to look at the scenery in front of him.

Laying his head against the wall, Taehyung clicked through old photos of the two all while jungkook peered over his shoulder. "Do you ever hope for it to be the same?" Jungkook asked as he plopped down next to the older boy.

Taehyung sighed. That was all he hoped for. "I hope for something new, but I can't help but feel nostalgic over the past, you know what I mean?" Taehyung said as he looked up into Jungkook's eyes, they were so beautiful.

Jungkook smiled at Taehyung before glancing down at the older boy's lips.

Feeling shy, Taehyung grabbed Jungkook's hair before pulling him in for a kiss. After a year, Taehyung felt so deeply in love again.

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