"i don't know, m.j.," you didn't want to talk about it but michelle always had a way of pulling the truth out of you. "he made his feelings pretty clear."
"i'm just saying," she shrugged. "it doesn't sound like peter."
"well, it was," you huffed. why would you lie? it was already embarrassing enough that he turned you down. "he doesn't love me— at least not that way i do him and i can't just be friends with him. so we can't see each other—"
"well— you can, you just won't," she reasoned, cutting you short. you loved michelle, but she was far too honest for her own good sometimes.
"i can't be friends with him, m.j," you repeated, your shoulders slumping as you fell back against the headboard of your bed. you tilted your head back and glanced at the ceiling. michelle wasn't making you feel much better about the whole thing.
"well.. why not?" she whined, closing her textbooks and putting her full attention towards you. she was oblivious to the tired expression on your face. "you're ruining a pretty great friend group by splitting you two up."
"we were never together— so there's nothing to split— michelle can you just drop it," you rested the palm of your forehead and sighed, you were getting a headache. you pushed the textbooks off your lap with a huff.
truth was peter really didn't love you. all this time, all those late night study sessions and subtle touches and closeness. all of it amounted to nothing because peter didn't love you and he never had. at least not the way you wanted him to. hearing him say it was worse than anything, even more so when you were so sure he felt the same. peter had been your best friend for so long, you were a bit lost without him if you were to admit it.
"ok," she muttered. "i'm sorry," she seemed to finally notice the look on your face, her eyes darting away from you as a guilt washed over her. she hadn't realised she'd been badgering you.
"it's ok," you ran your hand over your face. it was getting late. "i'm just tired of talking about it."
she was quiet for a minute. "i think i better go—" she began collecting her books and shoving them into her backpack. you let out a soft sigh and sat up again, crossing your legs and watching her pack up. "i'll see you in school tomorrow though?"
you nodded with a halfhearted smile. suddenly you felt drained. "yeah. i'll meet you in the parking lot."
she nodded before saying her goodbyes and off she went, leaving you alone again in your bedroom with only your thoughts. and all of your thoughts were occupied by peter.
you collapsed back against your bed now that you were alone, closing your eyes as your head pounded.
pressing your fingertips to your temple, you began massaging trying to relieve some of the pressure when you were startled by a knock on your window.
immediately your sights set on peter, his face covered by his spiderman mask, but he was in pain, that much you could tell. his hand clutched onto his side, hurled over as he waited for you to respond.
you panicked. "oh my god, peter-" you clambered out of your bed and pushed your bedroom window open. now you were closer you could get a better look at him.
"hey— can i— can i come in?" you nodded, holding onto his free arm and helping him in through your window.
"what the hell happened to you?" your eyebrows were furrowed as you scanned over his injuries. he had a gash that sliced through his suit and into his side, a limp and blood seeping through his mask.
"are you ok?" he panted as you sat him down on your bed.
"am i ok? peter have you seen yourself?" you couldn't believe he would ask that considering the state he was him.
"i know— i know," he was out of breath. "i just had to make sure."
"why wouldn't i be ok?" you asked. he pulled off his mask, gasping for air.
"i was fighting this guy and he knew— stuff about me— about you. i didn't want him to— i just had to check."
you looked at him with concern. there was a cut just below his eye that bled down his cheek, as well as bruising circling his top lip and his brow bone.
"peter, i'm fine, i've been studying with m.j. all night."
he nodded, collapsing back onto your bed and lying down. he looked relieved, shutting his eyes for a second as he muttered, "thank god."
you ignored his comment and stood up. he latched onto your hand to stop you from leaving like you planned. "where are you going?"
"relax—" you slipped your arm out of his grip. "i'm going to get the first aid kit."
when you returned, peter was sitting upright. you walked over to him, sitting beside him on your bed and crossing your legs. you touched his jaw to tilt his head in your direction.
"you're so stupid, peter," you gulped. you were upset to see him like this. you were still upset with him from earlier but what could you do? turn him away?
you dabbed a cotton wool ball that you'd dipped in an antiseptic wash onto the gash below his eye. he winced, pulling his head away. "hey," you said sternly. you grabbed his chin and pulled him back so he would look at you. "stop squirming."
he stared at you, you tried your best to avoid his eyes but he was so close to you at this point that it was impossible. "stop staring, too," you mumbled. you were still upset with him. you hadn't spoken to him for days until now.
"sorry," he mumbled. you both sat quietly while you cleaned up his wounds and bandaged the bigger ones.
once you'd finished you got a good look at his face and your heart wrenched. "there," you muttered quietly. "all better."
"y/n—" he began to speak urgently but you cut him off.
"don't—" you shook your head. "please just leave. i don't want to hear your excuses or your apologies."
"but it's not fair that i have to lose my best friend," he pleaded, his eyebrows furrowed softly watching you look anywhere but at him.
you sighed, your throat tightening the longer this dragged out. it was too fresh. moving so now your legs hung over the edge of your bed. "i know but i just can't— i can't act like my feelings aren't there. at least, not right now."
"y/n," he paused afterwards. your name lingered on his lips. "please, i can't help—"
"peter, stop, ok? it sucks enough that i have to see you every day in school. i can't be around you knowing that you don't feel the same because it hurts."
he was quiet after your outburst. you could tell he wanted to say more. he always left the impression that he wanted to say more but he never did.
"i better go then," he stood up from where he was sat on your bed. he bit his lip to stop himself from saying more than he should. he had to let you believe he didn't love you, no matter what the truth was. the vulture already knew your name and your address. if he stepped out of line, anything could happen to you. all he could do is pretend he felt nothing and keep you safe.
"yeah, i think so," you nodded, you head hanging, gaze set on the floor. peter's heart wrenched, forcing himself away from you.
he reached your window again, stopping and turning to face you one last time. "sorry i hurt you. i didn't want to."
"just—" you felt your lip quiver the longer he stayed. you glanced up at peter in his torn outfit, hanging around your window. you knew this was hurting him too, but right now you need to take some time and learn to move on. you couldn't do that with him looking at you like that all the time. you gulped. "—just go to a hospital peter, i'm not a doctor."
