"bad one?" he eyed you up and down where you sat, elbows on the counter, palms holding your head up. your hair was a little messy, your cheeks flushed pink and it was hard to miss your bloodshot eyes when you glanced at him just then.
it was the first time bucky had seen you look unlike yourself, vulnerable, he figured you were too much in your head and too exhausted to care much what he thought of you right now though.
you didn't immediately answer him, just glanced at him out of the corner of your eye and gave a soft nod before eyeing up your cereal sat in front of you. "stop looking at me like that, barnes," your voice came out raspy and a little stuffy, like you had a cold.
his shoulders straightened out, the carton of milk in his hand he put back in the fridge, turning his back to you. "'m not looking at you like anything," he tried to argue but it was weak because he knew he'd been caught.
he stood there in silence for what felt like a while, he was too caught up in his own head, and clearly so were you. he didn't know if he should just leave you, it felt wrong to just walk out now. he kept opening his mouth to say something but he'd only close it again when he thought better. so instead he leaned back against the counter with a huff.
"if i caused this in any way..." he finally spoke, and he did so slowly, trying to pick his words carefully. "you know, after today," he eyed you up waiting for some reaction from you but you continued to hold your head in your hands, staring into your untouched bowl of cereal.
"stop talking, seriously," you mumbled, coming across a little harsh. your eyes stung with fresh tears, and you'd be a bit embarrassed if your mind was otherwise occupied.
you closed your eyes briefly, seeing flashes of memories that you'd been suppressing for a long time. memories that you'd kept at bay until todays mission. memories that triggered night terrors, which meant no sleep.
he was quiet. maybe be was overthinking it but bucky couldn't bring himself to leave you alone.
"i'm sorry about today," he mumbled after a long silence. you rolled your eyes, a tear slipping out. bucky gulped down on the lump in his throat. "i didn't think— and i definitely didn't mean to upset you."
"men never think or mean to do anything," you snapped, snivelling as you wiped under your eyes. "but they always do."
"well, you don't have to worry about it happening again," he really meant it. he watched you hold your head in your hands, keeping your face just out of his sight. something twinged in his chest and everything he thought he knew about you changed. "scouts honour," he mumbled, swiping his forefinger in a cross over his heart.
"did they even have scouts back when you were a kid?" you teased halfheartedly, sniffling as you did.
"aw," he cooed. "well, it's nice to know your ability to make fun of me hasn't changed."
you gave him a quick side eye, a tiny flicker of a smile touched your lips. "can't help myself," you croaked. "you're too easy a target."
bucky released a breathy laugh, rolling his eyes. "i'm really not, you're just mean."
"you're not exactly a ray of sunshine," you lifted your head a little, resting your chin in the palm of your hand as you looked over at him.
bucky gulped, his adams apple bobbing up and down. the tip of your nose was pink, and your eyelashes were still a little wet, but you wore a small a tiny, almost non-existent smirk.
"well, it's complicated," he mumbled, eyes never leaving yours. "you are complicated."
your eyelids fluttered, suddenly feeling heavy from the lack of sleep. you felt much calmer than you had done before he walked in here. "i haven't always been," you barely spoke above a whisper, you weren't sure to take what he said as a compliment or an insult.
"it's not an insult," he spoke, like he could read your mind. "you're not who you want people to believe you are."
your eyes watched him as he tried to make you out. "take that back."
he hummed, a small smile creeping onto his lips again. he liked the way you were looking at him. usually with a mischievous glint, they were now soft and warm. he was seeing a side to you that he quite liked, though he was sure you'd both be back to your usual roles when morning came.
"can't take it back, it's out there now for everyone to see," he shrugged.
"they'll never see it," you spoke before you brain could tell you to stop.
"they will," he saw the immediate regret in your face and moved quick to reassure you. "they're a forgiving bunch. trust me, i know."
you didn't really know what to say after that. you tried to believe what he was saying, but you couldn't. it was too far gone, you were too far gone for them.
you softly shook your head. "i'm going to try and get some sleep," you slipped out of your seat, leaving your untouched cereal on the counter.
he hummed. "i should probably do the same."
you nodded, walking passed him to head back to your room, but you hesitated, pausing in front of him. "you know, you don't have to be nice to me now just because you feel bad."
"yeah, i know," he muttered, eyes watching you in front of him. you just nodded, taking a small step back and edging towards the door. "g'night, y/l/n."
"night, sarge."
