ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS

51. SNOW IN MID-APRIL

★ Leonard ★

I also want to tell her how much I love her. But something stops me from saying the words. I become quiet and search for the reason while she is waiting for my reply. I finally whisper to her.

"It is such an important word for me to say. I have only said it to one person in my entire life."

"I really care for you and enjoy so much being with you. Please give me some time to be able to tell you from the bottom of my heart."

I held her dearly in my arms. She quietly nods and walks back into the building, and disappears behind the gate. On the subway going back to Manhattan, I keep thinking about Beth, whom I began to think about less and less every day.

It really hurts me to see her memory getting washed away as the presence of Anjali fills the void I used to feel. I can't tell Anjali how much I love her because I am afraid of completely losing Beth. I don't know if this logic makes sense, but this is how I feel.

That night, Beth appears in my dream. She is standing on the platform at Santa Fe Depot on Fort Worth street back at home. It is the old train station in Weatherford, and the last train pulled away from the station in 1959.

Beth is dressed in her white, long wedding dress and getting on an old, red Atchison, Topeka, and Santa Fe Railway train. We used to play around the train when we were small.

She goes up the stairs from the platform and turns around once inside the train. She whispers to me.

"I am leaving you now because you need to move on. But I will always remember you, and you are always in my heart! When you need me, just call my name. I will be right next to you. Always, always, always!"

The train takes off, and the wind blows her long hair. She keeps looking toward me as the train disappears into the light.

I wake up from the dream with tears in my eyes. At that moment, I decide to go back home to Weatherford, Texas. I need to face my reality instead of continuing to run away. The only way to know if I can move on or not is to go home and face Beth's absence in my life.

I go to my work and tell my boss about my decision. He knows my situation quite well because my cousin Johnny explained it to him when we were introduced. So he is cool about it. He just asked me to stay another week until he finds my replacement.

It is perfect for me because Anjali is too busy to see me for another week because of her exams. I don't want to break the news to her until her exams are over, so I texted her to let her know that we could meet afterward.

She replies right away that she will come to see me next Friday evening. So I buy a one-way ticket back to Dallas for early Saturday morning. I will be gone from New York City.

I anxiously wait for Anjali to arrive at the bar. I just finished my last shift. I am getting nervous about how to break the bad news to her. As I am sipping my margarita, she arrives with her smile and pets Bianco's head. She is always so beautiful, even though she looks a little tired from her exams. I hold her and kiss her.

"So, how did the exams go?"

She smiles again and tells me what she thinks.

"They went quite well. I had a little problem with biology, but the rest I am pretty confident with. Did you already finish your work?"

"Yeah! My shift ended early today. So we can grab something to eat now!"

She comes close to me and whispers in my ear.